Today, we found out that we have been issued with our Certificate of Eligibility. I am beyond relieved.
While I say I'm relieved - I am, but I'm also completely exhausted. I feel like I've hit a wall with all of this. I'm not coping very well with the way things are at the moment. I'm also not coping very well with the fact that someday between soon and never, someone is going to expect me to get on a plane and look after a baby (or TWO! Arrrghhh, what are we THINKING??) and while I'm looking forward to that day with huge anticipation, I also don't feel even a tenth of the way ready. The room for the baby/ies is completely uninhabitable. And no, I don't just mean that it doesn't have a ducks and bunnies frieze painted around the edges (it's a nice stony brown, and it's probably staying that way) but it's full of furniture from another room that we're renovating and also full of books that, as yet, have nowhere else to go and it's beginning to FREAK ME OUT that this stuff needs to be DONE at some point and it HASN'T been done even though I was promised it would be done MONTHS ago and we aren't READY and i just want some SPACE to ADJUST to the idea of such a HUGE CHANGE and I don't want to spend the four days in between getting a match and getting on the plane REARRANGING FURNITURE and QUEUEING AT IKEA and we've got people COMING TO STAY for a few WEEKS and I can't really see how I'm going to cope with that and there's some changes at WORK that TERRIFY ME that I CAN'T TALK ABOUT HERE in case anyone ever goes through my web history and finds this and in case all the capitals haven't made it clear, I feel like I am LOSING MY MIND with all the uncertainty and change. I'm seriously considering asking if I can go down to 4 days a week at work - I feel like an extra day each week to get things done would help a lot.
But, um, yeah. C of E today. And I am incredibly grateful. Losing my mind, but grateful.