Wednesday 24 October 2012

...and that's why I have a headache.

Thanks for those bath flutes, Nanna. No, really.

And: yes, we have a problem with damp in our bathroom, and no, I didn't choose those tiles.

Also, no, I don't really know the words to that song and I have no idea why they demand it so often. I think it's about how girls would be happier if they would wear things that boys like and put on more makeup. I'm so glad my children are learning those important lessons in early childhood. 

And also also: parenthood sure is a weird thing. This is not the first time I've realised it, but it's the first time it's been so literal - in the video that is their life, I really am just the backing singer. I'd probably better get used to it. 

No news from the geneticist. It turns out that they are waiting for a lab to send them a sample of my mother's DNA in order to do a comparison. They have her genetic results from the test she had fifteen years ago, which should be enough, but apparently the whole way they name genes has changed since then and they can't do a conversion because 'we aren't sure where one of the zeros should go'. Awesome. 

I will admit that when I found that out - after phoning the lab - I went straight upstairs to my bright pink bag and grabbed the M&Ms out of there and pretty much inhaled the whole lot. 

Oh, I should probably mention that my mother lives in Australia, and that's where the sample is. 


Actually, I have just - as I was typing this - realised that there is probably a sample of my mother's DNA on the envelope that she used to send us the bath flutes. Maybe I should visit the lab and see if they can sequence her saliva from where she licked the seal. 

No, I don't think so either. 
I really  need to start thinking about something else. Lately, what's been on my mind (probably somewhat inappropriately, to be honest) is the whole are we going to acquire any more children? thing. There is too much swirling around in my head about all that, and I really don't know where to start. I think I might try to sort the issues into compartments and attack them one at a time. Here are my current contenders: 

Capacity (or how being a below-average mother should mean that I get to parent an easy kid)
Destiny (or how I'm trying to figure out the part of the Venn diagram where theology, loss, public opinion and adoption rules intersect)
Fertility (or how I was barely thinking about my actual reproductive system until I saw a nature documentary and realised I was jealous of a seal)
Velocity (or how the feeling of moving forward can trick us into thinking that we are making good decisions)
Responsibility (or how I struggle with reconciling the conflict between our current children's needs and a bigger family. Or maybe it's not a conflict. Is it?)
Doing & Being (or how being the person you want to be - or think you should be - sometimes involves doing a whole lot of stuff you don't really want to do)
Siblings (or how 'To Three or Not To Three' should maybe be 'To Four or Not To Four')

Yeah, okay, now that's in black and white it's really no wonder I haven't done any of that yet. Any suggestions for where to start? 
One more also. I should have said this earlier - I'm so grateful for all the support you have given me over the last few weeks. I'm sorry that I haven't shown  it more, but it really means the world. 


  1. Have been checking the blog several times a day, waiting for the results to come through. GAH - more waiting! My heart just goes out to you (an M&M inhalation was most definitely in order!) And now as I go to bed, I've got all these other things going round in my head for you - will pray (I have no wise words I'm afraid - just wish I could fix it all). It'll be nice to see you - will email re: details (sis emigrates on Fri so have been in whirl of family stuff this week) nightienight, x PS: you are wearing some cheery nailpolish aren't you? I think you're entitled to rummage in your bag a little more..

    1. Not even any cheery nail polish here! My nails are peeling like crazy (stress? Can stress make your nails peel?) and I've had to revert to boring, boring clear protein polish that smells like cheap carpet. OH THE HUMANITY!

  2. More waiting, so sorry to hear that. Your more children categories made me giggle. I've been inappropriately obsessed with that lately as well. And then I remind myself Eli has only been home two months and we barely know how to parent him yet. But then I go right back to obsessing.

    The video is darling. You have a lovely singing voice. And I'm glad we don't have any bath flutes. :)

  3. Thinking of you so much. How in the hell do you write so well, with such humor, and some much insight into yourself when you are going through a difficult time? You have a gift. I hope you get to the bottom of this in your very near future...and I hope that you will be overcome with exactly what you should do in regards to more children. I imagine your brain is just no able to clear out enough info to really get to the bottom of what you guys should do. Hugs.

  4. Oh and please just blog about each issue that you brought up. Start with destiny. K?

  5. How can you call yourself a below-average mother when you SING for your kids so nicely in the bath?!!!!

    I love the videos... always - your accent is so beautiful :) :)

    Also, totally glad you had the M&Ms (btw what do you think of this new "trend" where people say totes and adorbs? I HATE IT!) and I also think you showed amazing restraint to ONLY have the M&Ms. I'll have a Cadbury's slab for you, okay? :)

  6. Love the nakey bath time flute-playing! Sorry you haven't heard anything yet. Keeping you in my thoughts, girl.

  7. Wow. Can't believe you have to wait that much longer. But I...uh...guess accuracy is important.

    Velocity. Yeah. That one seems to be my downfall. Perfectly named.

    sending thoughts

  8. I love this video so much. You have a beautiful singing voice! It is funny how fast flutes like that in our house seem to 'disappear'. Harmonicas are fun, though -- they seem to make a pleasant sound no matter what. Not as headachey.

    So sorry about the holdup with your results. Urgh! I've also been checking often to see if there was any news. Anyway, in the meantime, please keep writing. Your posts bring me much cheer.

    Thinking of you...

  9. I have a longstanding rule not to give toys that make noise. If parents choose to bring that upon themselves, I can't stop them. But I will not be a party to the madness.

  10. Bellissimo il tuo video, complimenti per la bella voce!! un abbraccio...ciao

  11. My stepdaughter bought T a train whistle. I can't wait for her to have children!!!!! (and hang in on those results, so sorry to hear about the delay)

  12. You have a lovely voice - your kidlets were most definitely the back-up players on that tune! Sending you good wishes/vibes/karma/prayers. Looking forward to your posts on the 2, 3 or 4 dilemma :)

  13. I have been thinking of you a lot, so sorry I haven't commented in awhile. Sending lots of love and positive thoughts...
    As usual your kids are gorgeous!
    Amy x

  14. Noisy toys have so far vanished from this house...

    I hate that we have to think about the next child far far too soon. If it was up to me I'd wait till the first one was, ooh, 10?

  15. I'm not certain where this falls in the realm of " Destiny (or how I'm trying to figure out the part of the Venn diagram where theology, loss, public opinion and adoption rules intersect)"....I am fairly certain it falls in the "None of my business but this is the internet so hey, why not" category, but, I'll mention it anyway. Have you considered embryo adoption (if it's an option in the UK)? Assuming the genetic issue is the one preventing you from carrying a child (and I apologize if there are other fertility issues involved as well and I've just ripped open a wound I wasn't aware of).

    In any case, if you are able to have children but are concerned about the genes you might pass on, you can adopt embryos from couples that had in vitro, don't want any more kids but don't want to destroy the embryos.

    Of course, that's just a "how" answer, not a when or should you or shouldn't you answer so it doesn't really help all that much.

  16. The day before we brought our kids home, we told them to pick out a treasure at the market down the street.

    They picked little wooden flutes.

    I hid them when we got home.

    About every two weeks, they say, "Remember our special gifts from home? Those flutes you bought us so we could remember our home? Where are they?" They've worked up quite a plaintive little routine.

    I am a terrible human being. I comfort myself that I didn't actually throw them away, so when the kids move out, I can present them with their flutes, right?

    Also, I second the appreciation for the term "Velocity," and add my good wishes for speedy and encouraging test results.


Over to you!