Friday, 28 May 2010

Not by me

We're going away for a week, and the post I was intending to write is still only half done. So I'm going to post some links from the last few weeks - you may have already read some of them, but I hope you'll meet something new and interesting from the overflowing spout that is my google reader.

A post about failure and courage that I really loved. This is from a blog that I devour ravenously but feel too shy to comment on.

John Raible's crash course in Transracial Parenting - I think this is going to be really worthwhile, but ... errrrrrm..... confronting. Ditto the comment above about being ravenous but shy. And a great perspective from Mama Dog about the same kinda' thing

An incredibly vivid post about Lori's ESL class

I keep meaning to make this carrot salad, but I haven't yet

How did mothers' day make you feel? There were several great posts about mothers' day, but this is the one I wish I could go back in time and send myself before my babas arrived, and it sums up how I'll always feel about the day, I think.

I've gotta say, though, the post I keep thinking about is this one. I used to know a few people in 'real life' who were thinking, for one reason or another, about adoption. But in the end, I think it's just going to be us. So this part, from the beginning, just keeps resonating with me:

Being a member of the adoption community often means we tend to draw the attention of couples struggling to get pregnant. The tears they shed are the same ones Laurie and I endured years ago while undergoing fertility treatments. I’ve come to think of it as the type of bond soldiers in war form while sharing foxholes, one that other people wouldn’t understand unless they have been in the trenches too. Friends we haven’t talked to in years may spend months trying to conceive, and then all of a sudden they’re interested in intimate details of Isaac and Vivi’s birth story. How much did it cost? What kind of relationship do you have with the birth parents? Laurie and I don’t like to broadcast our children’s lives to just anyone, but these people are hungry for the quickest directions that will bring them a baby. Sometimes these couples go on to foster or adopt (even from our agency), but more often than not, a few months pass and the couple “magically” turns up pregnant.

This is what happened to friends of ours a few years ago. After two years of trying to conceive, and a few weeks of communicating with us about adoption, they announced their pregnancy in a mass email, saying, “God heard our prayers.” We didn’t hear much from them after that.

While we understood pregnancy kept them busy, Laurie and I couldn’t help but feel hurt that our connection became hypothetical. We had shared intimate details of our lives to people that no longer related to us and we couldn’t help feeling stupid.

What with one thing and another at the moment, I've got to say that I'm a bit sick of that stupid feeling right now.

So anyway. Happy reading!


  1. Oh honey, comment, seriously. I am so not scary!!!

    I am very sad that I realistically do NOT have time to do the John Raible course but am looking forward to the inevitable great blog posts from those who do it!

  2. Actually missed a lot of those posts in my little blog hiatus. Thanks for pointing them out to me!

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Over to you!