I've been a voracious reader of blogs in the last six months or so, and if I've learned one thing from everyone else's experience, it SHOULD have been - be flexible, have no expectations about timing and live life now, rather than trying to second guess the future. But something tells me that lesson hasn't really sunk in properly. This morning I was on the bus to work (gosh, I do live the celebrity life, don't I?) and I was thinking about a whole bunch of stuff - about dinner, about work today, about parmesan cheese, and about our hypothetical future baby. I was musing about next year, and thinking 'hmmm, well, I guess by November next year I won't be at work any more, and then I'll - ...' at which point I caught myself and realised - hang on, Claudia. Not going to be at work by next November? On whose say-so? I realised that I've been slipping into the pattern of thinking about an assumed timescale for this adoption, without even knowing that I had done it. If someone had asked me 'when do you think it will all happen?' (as they do regularly, in fact) I would have said 'oh yar, well, you know, International adoption, you never can tell' but actually, in my heart I've been assuming that it will be sometime in 2009. This has got to stop. Rather than spiral downwards ever further into despair, I've been making a list in my head of good things about having to wait longer for our family. So here goes:
1) Longer to save for their University fees. Now our children can be doctors if they want to, after all
2) Longer to compile my 'stupid questions people have asked me about when we are going to have children' list
3) More chance of convincing J that we need another cat
4) More of our friends will have finished their families and be willing to pass crates full of kids clothes onto us
5) More time for my mother to knit
Okay, so as you can see, I didn't do very well. But still - part marks for effort, I hope.
And I did learn something from all those blogs, by the way, and as a reward for reading this far, I'll share it with you - if you're going to video your referral call, make sure you're wearing something nice.