I've been a voracious reader of blogs in the last six months or so, and if I've learned one thing from everyone else's experience, it SHOULD have been - be flexible, have no expectations about timing and live life now, rather than trying to second guess the future. But something tells me that lesson hasn't really sunk in properly. This morning I was on the bus to work (gosh, I do live the celebrity life, don't I?) and I was thinking about a whole bunch of stuff - about dinner, about work today, about parmesan cheese, and about our hypothetical future baby. I was musing about next year, and thinking 'hmmm, well, I guess by November next year I won't be at work any more, and then I'll - ...' at which point I caught myself and realised - hang on, Claudia. Not going to be at work by next November? On whose say-so? I realised that I've been slipping into the pattern of thinking about an assumed timescale for this adoption, without even knowing that I had done it. If someone had asked me 'when do you think it will all happen?' (as they do regularly, in fact) I would have said 'oh yar, well, you know, International adoption, you never can tell' but actually, in my heart I've been assuming that it will be sometime in 2009. This has got to stop. Rather than spiral downwards ever further into despair, I've been making a list in my head of good things about having to wait longer for our family. So here goes:
1) Longer to save for their University fees. Now our children can be doctors if they want to, after all
2) Longer to compile my 'stupid questions people have asked me about when we are going to have children' list
3) More chance of convincing J that we need another cat
4) More of our friends will have finished their families and be willing to pass crates full of kids clothes onto us
5) More time for my mother to knit
Okay, so as you can see, I didn't do very well. But still - part marks for effort, I hope.
And I did learn something from all those blogs, by the way, and as a reward for reading this far, I'll share it with you - if you're going to video your referral call, make sure you're wearing something nice.
So true on all these points, especially that last one. With our referral call, I was straight out of bed. I did manage to get a hat on before my husband started taking photos...but really, that's why we don't have a "referral day" video.
ReplyDeleteOh, and you're really smart to prepare for the longest wait possible. I was really good about doing the same--until we got our referral, at which point my heart flew headlong in love with this small boy and made the next three months agony. Not that I'd do it any different necessarily, but I am glad I was prepared for the long-haul (pre-referral).
I can't imagine what that three months must have been like. I'm emotional enough about an imaginary child - but a real one! Unbearable. I don't know how anybody could try to prepare themselves for that :(
ReplyDeleteYou can't prepare yourself for it. As you realize you're falling in love with this child, you dive even more headlong into the depths of the Abiding Love of God.
ReplyDelete(I think you rock. Your blog is quickly becoming one of my favorites)
You said it. Although admittedly, I've been doing the same as you - - stalking down future thoughts with ideas of how my life is going to be. It's a bad habit, agreed. Thanks for your insight. I should just tell my inner beast to shut up! :)
ReplyDeleteCindy
Lori, you made me blush!! :)
ReplyDeleteCindy - know what you mean about the inner beast! Mine is pretty impatient (but then so am I!)
One more. The kids of all of your friends that started having babies years ago will be older and can provide free babysitting! (Lord don't let it take that long, eh?!)
ReplyDeleteI'm now cracking up at the thought of all the poopy, silly toddlers I am surrounded with being allowed anywhere NEAR my baby in any kind of caring capacity... please tell me they will be more responsible by the time they are sixteen! (And yes, please tell me that we won't still be waiting when they are sixteen!)
ReplyDelete