A few days ago, I found this great post that introduced me to the concept of adoptive 'babywait'. I thought the writer was spot on - I've been noticing that the emotional rollercoaster is a pretty good place for packing on the pounds. Stress? Food! Celebration? Food! Which brings me to something I feel strangely embarrassed about admitting - a few weeks ago, in what I like to think of as a pre-emptive strike, I signed up to WeightWatchers. (Now you're wondering whether I'm some giganto-woman who needs a crane to get her to work everyday - no, honestly, but also please believe that I'm not fishing for compliments about how thin I am, because i KNOW you don't know what I look like!)
I found the idea a bit depressing to begin with, but now that I've got into it, the programme itself is surprisingly fun. If your personality is at all obsessive, the PointsManager software is dangerously addictive. (Of course, for those of you fighting your way through an international adoption, there is no question of an 'if' at the start of that sentence for you). As pointed out in this article (sent to me by a friend who is a WW devotee) it was an utter stroke of genius to call the food units 'points' - it turns the potentially slow and sad process of getting thinner into a crazed competitive game. I'm sure, otherwise, I wouldn't have had the competition with myself that started with thinking 'I wonder HOW FEW points I could eat in a day?' (Eleven, incidentally, and it wasn't much fun. From memory, that was something like some cereal, a coffee, four carrots and a bowl of gruel. I'm sure I could beat my previous low score if I tried again - I should never have weakened and had that gruel! - says the voice inside my head - but fortunately I realised that would be stupid).
Of course, I'm aware of the terrible context of all this. I'm aware that while I'm feeling hard-done-by because I have to eat a bit less than I would like, others are so poor they can't regularly afford food at all. However, I don't find that knowing that makes it any easier to say 'no' when someone offers me just-baked brownies. It does make me realise, though, how much I just want an easy life. All this watching of food feels like a lot of effort. Surely it would be easier to just have cream for every meal? Exercise, too - that's tiring. Similarly, it's the time of year when it's time to start preparing Sunday School lessons again - I really, really love teaching Sunday School, and I love my girls, but whew - effort. And even this whole adoption process - worthwhile, hopefully, but mega-effort. Isn't there a verse in the bible somewhere about how life should be easy and simple all the time? What? There's NOT? Well that stinks.
First of the 'proper' social worker visits tomorrow. I hope she doesn't think she's getting any cookies.