How hard can it be?

To make a medical appointment, that is. I've had 'make medical appointment' on my task list for a few weeks now, and for a little while it just stared at me accusingly. Then I thought 'get on with it, woman!' and phoned the doctors' surgery. Here's how I thought the conversation would go:

Me: "Hello, my name is Claudia. I need to make an appointment for a medical evaluation for adoption. I have the standard BAAF form and I need to pay any fees myself because we aren't adopting through the Council".

Receptionist: "Well certainly. Does 2pm on Monday suit you? That will be £xxx"

Me: "Yes, that's fine. Thank you very much - I'll see you then".

Needless to say, that wasn't quite what happened.

Scene: My open plan office. I'm alone - I've waited until everyone else has left for lunch / coffee/ meetings/ croquet / whatever else university administrators do.

Claudia: Hello. I need to make an appointment for a medical evaluation for adoption.
Receptionist: Really?
C: Yes. I've been told I need to go to my usual doctor, so can I please see Dr X?
R: Well, actually, Dr X has just gone on maternity leave.
C: Oh. Well, one of the questions on the form is 'are you the applicant's regular doctor'
R: Oh, that's fine, anybody will tick 'yes' for that.
C: Oh. Right. Good. So, errrr, I'm wondering how much it will cost?
R: Well, it will be free for you. The council will refund the charges.
C: But I'm not adopting through the council - it's an international adoption.
R: Oh, dear. Well. Hmmm. Okay. Do you have a letter addressed to the doctor?
C: Yes, I think so, but it is in a sealed envelope with a big red 'confidential' stamp.
R: Well, I think you'd better open it.
C: But it's not addressed to me.
R: Well, maybe I can talk to the head doctor and then phone you back.
*****************wait of several hours*******************
R: Well, we can't make the appointment unless you tell us what's in that letter.
C: Errr, okay then. I'll phone you back when I've looked.
*******a few days later, C having struggled with her conscience and eventually ignored it*****
C: Hello. I need to make an appointment for a medical evaluation for adoption.
Different Receptionist: Really?
C: Yes. I'm going to need to pay any charges myself.
R: Well, it will be free for you. The council will refund the charges.
C: But I'm not adopting through the council - it's an international adoption.
R: Oh, dear. Well. Hmmm. Okay. Do you have a letter addressed to the doctor?
C: Yes, it says I need to pay any charges myself.
R: Well, maybe I can talk to the head doctor and then phone you back.
C: Thank you. That would be very helpful.
*****************wait of several hours*******************
R: Okay, I've spoken to the head doctor. You're going to need to bring the letter in.
C: I'll do that tomorrow
*******the next morning, in person**********************
C: Hello. I need to make an appointment for a medical evaluation for adoption.
R: I think you probably need a letter.
C: I've got it right here.
R: Okay, well, I'm going to show this to the head doctor. I'll call you when she has had a look at it.
C: That sounds excellent. Shall I give you my phone number?

I've spared you the part where I confused a blood test with a blood PRESSURE test (the main difference is an independent lab evaluation and about £450, from what I can gather), the part where one of my colleagues walked back into the room and I suddenly had to pretend I was talking about something else entirely, and the part where I had to hide in the stationery cupboard to take one of the calls.

So this is where we're up to right now. I kept expecting to see Franz Kafka looking over my shoulder and taking notes, but so far no luck. For the record, the confidential letter says:

Claudia needs a medical evaluation for adoption
She will need to pay any charges herself.

I am truly, honestly, 100% thrilled to be adopting right now. But the process? Sometimes I think it's going to kill me. My doctor's surgery is HUGE - lots and lots and lots of patients. And open for many many years. They've clearly NEVER done an international adoption assessment before, which tells you as much as you need to know about how abnormal it is to do international adoption in the UK.

****Update, 24 hours later***********
They never called me back. I guess I'm going back in on Monday.
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