Tuesday 6 May 2014

Icy Family Feud Ends In Court

I'll post about seeing the social worker as soon as I can get my head around the meeting we had - hopefully tomorrow or the day after. Today, a vision of my future, if my children had their way. 


MOTHER LOSES COURT HEARING AS CHILDREN REFUSE TO 'LET IT GO'

A Berkshire mother of two was today sentenced after losing a landmark hearing regarding her children's access to the film Frozen. 

After sentencing, a  tearful Mrs Chapman told the waiting media, "This has all been a terrible misunderstanding. I didn't realise that it was actually The Law that children had to be allowed to watch Frozen at least once per day. Now that I know this, my behaviour will change. I'm going to go home and put this right."

Her sentence included a commitment to learn all the songs on her ukulele - even the boring ones - and play them for impromptu karaoke sessions whenever her children ask. Judge Menzel, presiding, said that her sentencing specifies that "This really does mean whenever she is asked, even if it is nearly bedtime."  In addition, the family laptop will be repurposed to show the film on an infinite loop, and Claudia, 34, will wear her hair in mandatory braids every day for the next year, 'just like Ana'.

Neighbours reported that tensions had been growing in the Chapman household for some time. When interviewed, Pink Chapman (who asked that we refer to her by her preferred name of Elsa) said "It was obvious to everyone that something wasn't right with how our mother was treating us. It's not like she couldn't show us the film; we could see the DVD on the shelf. The problem was that she was restricting access, and children need to watch this film daily. Everybody knows that. Now that she has signed a contract and her probation officer will be checking the house regularly, I'm hopeful that we can all put this episode behind us".

Her brother Blue agreed. "She was only letting us watch it while we were having our hair done, and that just wasn't enough," he said. "It's true that we did watch it four times in one week when it arrived, but that was while she was learning to do cornrows and there was a lot of inconsistent behaviour relating to that, anyway. Four times in one week turned out to be the best it ever got, and that's why we had to get the authorities involved".

When asked why they had decided to litigate, rather than seek a more informal  resolution, he said "Elsa and I love our mother, but there are some things that need to be taken seriously. We called for help, and I'm just grateful that help came in time."

A spokesperson for Berkshire child services said, "We are very pleased with the outcome of this ruling. Obviously, we are working towards a situation where all children have unrestricted access to Frozen at all times, but until that day comes, we think the current one-viewing-per-day laws are adequate, and we are glad they are being properly enforced."

When asked to comment, the children's father, Jay Chapman, said "I have no opinion to give. This whole situation has nothing to do with me; that's why I go to work."

The family have asked for privacy at this difficult time.

16 comments:

  1. We haven't watched it yet but clearly in the light of the recent judgement we will have to put this right without delay!

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  2. You know the scene when the parents are getting ready to go on their trip? The father says to Elsa (movie Elsa, not Pink Elsa) something like, "Don't worry, we'll see you in two weeks." Well, at that point my daughters have taken to yelling at the TV, "No, you won't!!" Makes the movie - or at least that part of the movie - slightly more entertaining. My girls will also run lines w/each other. It appears the movie's slow and steady march to take over our lives continues unabated. Resistance is futile.

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    1. And sometimes, out of the blue, my children ask me WHY did they have to go away? Why did they have to die? "For plot, sweetie, for plot. It was essential to the narrativethat EElse becomes queen" is what I want to say, but I'm not really sure how comforting that would be.

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  3. My fight against Frozen is strong and unrelenting. I now give off sanctimonious responses to why: "Because Disney made another movie with zero black people in it for no good reason." It really ends the conversations with strangers, though my children nod and cower away, they sing the songs in the shower when they think I don't hear their betrayal.

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    1. My comment below was meant to be in reply to this!

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  4. That bothers me much less than I expected, I think because it's clearly set in an actual country (norway) in some kind of parallel nineteenth century. I've only been to Scandinavia once - Finland - and I felt genuinely conspicuous for being a brunette. I think that movies and books should be diverse because diversity reflects reality... When the historical reality is genuinely monoracial, I'm not sure how meaningful it is to introduce black characters as tokens. I'm very open to being corrected on this but I'm not absolutely convinced Disney made the wrong call on this.

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  5. How about this: they Rapunzel set in a TOTALLY IMAGINARY LAND where the people could have had ALL COLORS, and they STILL chose to make them all white. So, following that with another all white princess movie cast makes me think, "choose another place." I am tired of their choices and them being able to back it up with "but it's accurate" crap. Like I said, I am disgruntled. It's bad for my kids psyche, they notice that the only movie featuring a black girl 1)sucked 2) she didn't have curly hair 3) most of the time she was a frog who valued hard work 4) the prince wasn't black. So yeah, I am still boycotting.

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    1. Oh, just to be clear, I ENTIRELY support boycotting Tangled. Oh yeah.

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  6. Laughing so hard! Same issues at our house. Identical.

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  7. Comment from Jane Doe was me (Amanda)

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  8. Can't. Stop. Laughing.

    Cramps. In. Belly.

    This slays me!

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  9. Unbelievably, I have not seen it yet, and K has not sung a single note to me. Beginning to feel as thought my family is existing in a parallel universe.

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  10. We haven't seen it yet, mostly because I didn't want to have to say no to all the Frozen merchandise that is available. Also, I have heard the song Let It Go enough on the playground, and I really didn't want it in my home. It was really all about me until someone clued me in on the parents-swallowed-by-the-sea aspect. We have both fear of water AND fear of disappearing parents in our house.

    That said, this is absolutely hilarious, and I will think of it every time that one overly dramatic girl belts out Let It Go while standing so her hair blows just so in the playground wind.

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  11. I just saw this and *had to* come here and share: https://www.facebook.com/muttscomics/photos/a.285217254745.187175.73860514745/10152776203979746/?type=1
    :P

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  12. I love you with my whole heart. No. Really.

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Over to you!