When I woke up on Tuesday, I knew immediately it was book launch day. Or, to give it its due worth: Book Launch Day. I had a plan:
Book Launch Day: Agenda
8:30 am: Lazy pancake breakfast with darling children. Wallow in happiness regarding a big goal finally achieved.
9:30 am: Post pre-drafted blog post announcing book release.
9:31 am: Play with toys with darling children.
(ongoing) Reflect on how lucky I am to have darling children.
10:30 am: Go to park with darling children
12:30 pm: Eat lunch with darling children
1:30 pm: Darling children nap due to park-induced exhaustion. Prepare for super-fun book launch party.
3:30 pm: Outdoor water play with darling children (possibly including enriching educational experiences, if I can think of any)
5:30 pm: Dinner for darling children, handing over to sweet husband at 6pm for
6:00 pm Book Launch Party! Pour the champagne. Announce book giveaway #1. Say hello to lovely friends.
7:00 pm caramel popcorn smoothie. Give away book #1. Chatter. Maybe tweet a little.
8.00 pm Probably I'll need a coffee at this point. Give away book #2 Chatter some more. Continue tweeting.
9:00 pm Sprite zero! Give away book #3 Chatter yet more. Keep up the tweets.
10:00 pm Peach smoothie! Give away book #4. More chat, tweeting, etc.
11:00 pm Wind down with some tea. Give away book #5. Keep talking to lovely people. Continue to dazzle the twitterverse with razor-sharp wit.
12 midnight: Give away book #6, say goodnight, go to bed!
Yes, I really had my drinks planned, hour by hour. I was that excited. This day was going to be awesome.
Book Launch Day: What Actually Happened
8:30 am: Children are screaming at each other as if they are being stabbed with knives. Quickly abandon pancake plan. Pour bran flakes for all. Screaming continues.
8:35 am Realise I have scheduled a play date for this morning. At our house.
8:40 am: Realise I forgot to draft a blog post with details about where people can actually buy the book
8:41 am: Bang head against table
8:42 am: Screaming continues
8:43 am: Rush around house tidying up for play date
9:30 am: Children have finished breakfast. Desperately sit them in front of Peppa Pig. Run upstairs to write blog post.
9:31 am: Realise I don't have any amazon 'buy' buttons. Suddenly, writing blog post without these seems impossible.
9:32 am: Find amazon buttons on google images.
9:33 am: Realise I don't know how to get images to link to an external website.
9:34 am: Decide that this would be an excellent time to learn a little HTML.
9:45 am: Bang head against table
9:57am: Publish blog post, including fraudulent photograph of champagne drinking that was actually taken the previous night
9:58 am: Screaming has started again downstairs.
9:59 am: Realise I haven't showered, and smell terrible. Am desperate for a shower.
10:00 am: Doorbell rings. Play date!
[The next section of the day is rated R for violence, including hitting, biting and punching. Not suitable for a family blog. Censored].
4:00 pm Still unshowered. Probably too late to bother now.
4:01 pm Something has really gotten into these children today. They don't want to play with their kitchen.
4:02 pm Or their octopod
4:03 pm Or their animals
4:03 pm Or read a book
4:04 pm It seems they just want to hit each other.
4:05 pm Cannot help thinking that Launch Day would be a lot more fun if I didn't have to do all this mothering stuff.
4:06 pm Consider topic of book and realise the irony
4:07 pm Bang head on the table
4:08 pm Honestly, does there have to be THIS much screaming? If I yell at them, that would probably help make the house a bit quieter.
[The next section of the day is rated R for yelling. Not suitable for a family blog. Censored].
5:59 pm Jay gets home. Frantically hand over children. I really want to be on time for
6:00 pm Facebook Book Launch Party time! Hooray! Pour champagne. Wallow in happiness for thirty seconds. Realise the champagne is full of drowned fruit flies.
6:01 pm Uh oh, I forgot I'm terrified of parties.
6:02 pm Pull yourself together, Claudia!
6:03 pm Pull myself together and start typing.
6:04 pm Realise that I can't see anybody and chatter to myself for a while.
6:05 pm Hooray, some people are here!
6:06 pm I think I might be using too many exclamation marks!!!!!
6:09 pm This champagne tastes sort of ... meaty. Is this how dead fruit flies taste?
6:10 pm Hang on, where have all the posts gone?
6:15 pm I get my first message telling me that nobody can see the posts.
6:16 pm I have no idea how to fix this. More messages.
6:17 pm Realise that I don't even know how to change my facebook profile picture, and there is no way I'm going to be able to sort this out.
6:18 pm Bang head against table.
6:19 pm Shout loudly at Mark Zuckerberg and all his evil minions, even though nobody can hear me.
[The next section of the day is rated R for unkind thoughts about a certain billionaire. Not suitable for a family blog. Censored].
7: 30 pm How is it 7:30? I haven't given away any books!
7: 35 pm Give away some books.
7:36 pm Realise I can't tag people when posting as a page manager, so people may never know they won
7:37 pm Bang head against table
7:38 pm There are actually people here! If the posts didn't keep on disappearing, I might even work out how to say hello to them all.
7:39 pm Realise I'll never be able to tweet while trying to keep track of the Disappearing Party. Secretly pleased.
7:40 pm Wish I wasn't having chest pains
7:41 pm Realise it may be hunger. Holler downstairs at Jay to make me nachos.
8:30 pm Jay brings me nachos with barbeque sauce. Coffee Chipotle, if you're interested.
8:45 pm The book is at #13 in the adoption category at Amazon! Yikes! [The next day it got to #2 in adoption overall, and #1 in Kindle which made me squeak out loud. Not that I was checking Amazon while at work, OH NO].
9: 15 pm How is it 9:15? I need to give away some more books!
9:16 pm Change into PJs and make some tea.
10:00 pm I know I'm using way! too! many! exclamation marks, but I just! can't! stop!
10:01 pm I must be chanelling a 13 year old girl.
10:03 pm: Why is there barbeque sauce on my floor?
10:04 pm: Why is there barbeque sauce on my foot?
11:00 pm: How can it be 11pm? I have to give away some more books!
11:02 pm: Realise I'll never be able to give away my stash of books in this amount of time. Decide to leave the final giveaway open until tomorrow. Keep chatting.
11:59 Keep on chatting. Goodness me, but adoption people are so nice! I love having so many of them in the same space.
12 midnight I've finally hit my stride! So the posts are disappearing, so what! I'm drinking tea and having an imaginary party on the internet in my pyjamas! The book is finally out! Life is good!
12:01 am: Realise I have to go to work tomorrow.
12:02 am: Bang head against table.
12:45 am: Post photograph of myself in my pyjamas, pretending to sleep, still unshowered:
|I appear to have a beetroot for a face in this photo. It's just the reflection from the pink velvet chair. I hope.|
12:46 am Say goodnight and go to bed
12:47 am Realise that despite screams, yelling and Mr Zuckerberg's best efforts, this day WAS awesome. Right, what can I write a book about next???
This was nearly-the-last post of BOOK WEEK! Back to normal scheduling very soon, I promise. In the meantime, I have a spare book from the launch party giveaways - a copy of Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child, which is a really fantastic resource for anybody parenting a child from a hard place, even if not through international adoption. One of the lucky winners already had a copy, so she kindly suggested I find it a new home. Any takers? Let me know if you're interested and I'll let the good people at random.org decide.