Lately, I've been suffering from insomnia. I don't know why. I'm not having bad dreams, I'm not particularly worried about anything and I don't have trouble getting to sleep but sometimes in the middle of the night, BAM, I'm awake. I squeeze my eyes shut my eyes and try to drift back off. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
After a while, I can't bear to lie there any more. J is a light sleeper so I come downstairs. The house is quiet and theoretically, it's the perfect time to answer the three hundred emails in my inbox or do something else worthwhile but it doesn't seem possible. Only about a third of me is truly awake, which is annoying because that third is very awake. I can't go back to sleep and I can't think properly so instead, I buy nail polish online.
I go through cycles with nail polish. I obsess about it for about six months, trying colour after colour on my lotioned hands and buffed feet. Then I get lazy and stop exfoliating and stop moisturising and finally stop polishing and then for about two years my hands and feet are just hands and feet again rather than an opportunity for self-expression. I wasn't thinking about polish at all until one wakeful night recently, lying on the sofa eating butterkist popcorn and checking my junk mail from amazon, looking at all the stuff I would usually ignore. Suddenly, with the kind of clarity that only comes at 4am, I realised that is an excellent price for a UV Gel nail curing lamp and it was like the floodgates opened. I've been night-buying nail polish ever since. Right now, I'm wearing mint green on my hands and cobalt blue on my feet. Apparently, I've got the same pedicure that was recently spotted on Beyonce and it's hard to argue with that, right? After all, she and I are so similar in so many other ways.
Anyway. This is my insomnia silver lining right now. This is what's working, in keeping me from going insane. Last night, I was awake again and I ordered a very pale dove grey, because a night of blurry wakefulness told me that was a good idea. The cold light of day ventures to disagree, and it's not the first time I wonder which is real me, day-me or night-me. Do I really like dove grey nail polish? (I hope I will, when it arrives). I remember this feeling from when the babies were tiny and I was awake through the watches of the night with them. It's a feeling of strange, free-floating isolation, being awake at 4am. The me who exists at midday hates night-me for not being able to sleep, for depriving midday-me of energy and frankly, making the day's parenting less than stellar. Today I took the children to the park and I dragged my feet all the way, feeling dizzy and sleepy and wondering whether I could ever bear to have another baby in the house, for this to be the ordinary state of affairs again. I have no idea, to be honest. I probably shouldn't try to think about these things when I've had this little sleep.
Oh, I'm so tired.
At least my nails look pretty.
(More What's Working later, probably).
exhaustion sucks ass...but your nails are seriously gorgeous. Side note: I am currently wearing dove grey on my nails. :)
ReplyDeleteYour nails rocks.
ReplyDeleteOn a side note, have you ever tried melatonin? It came highly recommended when we brought home MB to help keep him from waking in the night. It doesn't work like other sleeping pills, making you all hung over in the morn. From what I've heard/read, it just helps regulate your sleep cycle to help you stay asleep. Anyway, all that to say, it worked so well on MB, I started using it after fighting some post adoption insomnia, and it works AMAZING.
I never have, but I have a few friends who SWEAR by it. I'm going to have to find out more about tha t stuff. Although fortunately the last week - I've slept like a baby. No idea why it turns off and on!
DeleteI can't wear nail polish because of my work but if I could I bet it would be fun.
ReplyDeleteI hate not being able to sleep. I like wine. :-)
I'm wearing a pinky/ purply shade called "meet me now" on my fingers and "you belong to me" on my toes (that;s a teal) - can you tell it's a youth range :)
ReplyDeleteI like your shoes!
ReplyDeleteAmy x
I think dove gray polish sounds really pretty. I don't do much in the way of my nails, but love looking at the crazy ones people post on Pinterest. I hope your insomnia passes--being awake at 4am looking at a busy day ahead is the worst. :-)
ReplyDeleteLove the colour! What nail polish do you buy?
ReplyDeleteI ONLY buy OPI, it is the best! :)
I love OPI, but this one is Nails Inc. I love their bright shades, they are incredibly opaque!
Deletevalerian root did the trick for me. though i didn't have a babe in the house that i might have to tend to during the night. if you try it, do so on a night your husband can be on kid duty. oh, and don't smell it. it is horrid. sticky feet-esque. but it worked wonders.
ReplyDeleteI have never even heard of valerian root as a remedy. Thanks for the warning about the smell!!
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