Other people's dreams are boring, so I'll keep this short. But. I keep on having variations on the same dream. Each time in the dream, we adopt a baby, but something seems wrong. No matter how much I tell myself I love the baby, I just don't really love it. And then every time - every time- it turns out that it wasn't really a baby, it was a four year old / six year old / seven year old who was just masquerading as a baby. I end up realising - and think 'ah ha!! No wonder I knew something was wrong! No wonder it was difficult to bond! No wonder it didn't like the sling!' but think 'well, this is our child now' and take the fake baby out of its too-small crib / high chair / car seat / other piece of baby equipment that always makes its way into the dream, and start treating it like the child it is, rather than a baby. I dredge up everything I know about older child adoption and do my level best to start being the mother the child needs, but the back of my head is always screaming 'no fair! I wanted a BABY!'
Needless to say, I always wake up from this dream feeling incredibly guilty.
Any amateur Freuds want to help me on this one??