Pages

▼

Sunday, 20 September 2009

Goodbyes

Yesterday, we had to say goodbye to the babies.

That STUNK. I mean, it really, really STUNK.

I feel like I'm still getting to know them, and then suddenly I can't anymore. And when we go back, these babies won't be these babies anymore - they will be almost twice as old, and the babies we met won't exist anymore - poof, vanished into thin air. When we see them again, I WANT them to be big and strong, and to have put on lots of weight, but then they won't be the same babies that I knew, and what happened to the babies in between? It feels like some kind of small death - we will never see these tiny little ones ever again.

I've no idea whether this is better or worse than what most US adopters go through (where you can't visit the baby at all until after court). I'm not saying this is harder. It just is what it is. And it really, really stinks.

at

13 comments:

  1. Julia20 September 2009 at 20:04

    I'm sorry you're having to go through this. I actually did visit Little Bit before court and then went home. It wasn't easy but I could see that he was being well taken care of (and kind of having a good time with all the other kids around) so that made it a lot easier.

    A 9yr old is definitely not the same as an itty bitty though.

    ReplyDelete
  2. filoli20 September 2009 at 20:04

    I am so sad that you have to leave...so very sad for you, j & the babies

    ReplyDelete
  3. Evelyn20 September 2009 at 20:23

    That really, really does stink! So sad. May the love you have developed sustain you and sustain your babies until you are together again. Meanwhile, vent with us! We are here for you!

    ReplyDelete
  4. DAVs20 September 2009 at 20:26

    Oh I'm so sorry that you have to say goodbye! That truly does stink, and I know that's an understatement. It really doesn't matter what any other adopters go through, it is what YOU are going through. I think though it is making things hard hard hard right now, you will always cherish this time with those little itty bitty babies. Thinking of you.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Kim20 September 2009 at 20:51

    So sorry for your change in plans. We were able to visit our children during the process. I will never forget how hard it was to leave them, even though I got to see how well they were being cared for. I hope your court date is earlier than expected.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anna20 September 2009 at 21:23

    I am so sorry!!! I can't imagine how hard this is for you and how much your heart is aching! It is NOT normal thing for a Mama to do - it goes against everything we were made to be and do!!! It is hard when it is the road you have to walk to bring your babies home. I will be praying for you as you walk through each day without your babies...praying you will know God's Fathering/Mothering of them and you during this time away. I pray you will be carried by God each day, each moment!

    ReplyDelete
  7. The Ravenstahls20 September 2009 at 22:34

    I hear that worry and I understand! having just traversed a hugely emotionally exhausting experience to get Cassidy, I know how much stress we can go through!
    This to shall pass. They are real and they are really yours!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Rebecca21 September 2009 at 00:54

    Oh Claudia, that sounds so torturous to me. I just hope that you will get lots of updates and that things will progress quickly. You definitely have a wide network here so hopefully you can connect to people that are traveling.
    I am so happy that you had the time you did. And like Evelyn said, may that love sustain you. We are here for you- sending love to you and to your sweet littles. It's going to be hard but soon they will be in your arms again!!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. kn21 September 2009 at 01:17

    I'm really really sorry! I simply cannot imagine the pain involved in saying good bye. i am happy you had the chance to be with them while they were very very small. it's special. but what a high cost.

    you're in my thoughts and prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Christine21 September 2009 at 02:01

    Oh, Claudia. I feel like there are no words that I can offer you that will really help. I will just echo Evelyn, hoping that the love will sustain you. It will, I know it, and the time will pass and court will be over and you will all be together again. I hope you write it all out here and let us buoy you through this time. That's what we are here for.

    Christine

    ReplyDelete
  11. Eastiopians21 September 2009 at 02:34

    So very hard. Such a blessing to have met them, held them, loved on them while they are this age. But so hard to now feel the distance and pain of being away after knowing them for that time. Praying for you friend,
    theresa

    ReplyDelete
  12. Lost in Space21 September 2009 at 04:26

    I am so sorry, Claudia. I can't even begin to imagine the emotions you are facing. It is so beyond unfair that it has to be this way. Sitting with you and waiting until it is time to bring them home. Hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  13. los cazadores22 September 2009 at 13:36

    It rips my heart knowing you must part from your babies, how long will it take you to pass court or rather when is your court date?

    Cindy

    ReplyDelete

Over to you!