amazing amazing

For the last few days, rumours have been spreading about what's happening in the courts in Ethiopia. I've been trying not to think too much about it - just last week, we found out that a friend (from the UK) had her court date set and it was going to be a three month wait. This felt like crushing news - for her, that it was such a long wait, and for us too. I've always been hoping that one of the perks (okay, the ONLY perk) of having to adopt independently would be that when we went out to apply for a court hearing for our baby, I could stay and start making friends with him or her while we waited for court. But the longer the waits for court become, the more impossible this looks.

Two months out there - I can probably do that, financially, and in terms of neglecting my husband. I want to do it, by the way. But three months starts to look a lot dicier, and the worst part is that the waits went so rapidly from two to three months, they could easily become four by the time it is our turn. I haven't really blogged about all this because it very quickly makes me feel unbearably sad, and also because I know that I don't know the first thing about how hard that post-referral wait must be. I know that lots of people have to go out, meet their new baby, and then come home. And I know that if I really had to do that, I would probably survive it. But I feel like it's killing me now not to be able to see my baby, when he / she is still only the hypothetical future baby in my mind. I've witnessed enough of other people's experience to know that being separated from a baby you know through a photo, video and descriptions can be indescribably painful. But a baby I have actually held? And then had to put back down again? And had to get back on a plane and come back here? For three MONTHS? I have to keep telling myself : like every other part of this process, I would survive, because there's no other option. I can rage and cry about this but it doesn't do any good.

But today. We got an email from this friend, and she told us that her court date has been moved forward by FIVE WEEKS. This is so amazing - I can't take it in. In the nearly eight months we've officially been in this process, we've seen a lot of changes and they've all been bad. Two compulsory trips. No singles. No official referrals. Independent adoptions only. Telescoping timescales. I have felt like we are trapped in a system with an unusually high level of entropy - things are falling apart at speed and we just have to hope that we manage this before they fall apart completely. But now, but now... is it possible that things might be getting - not worse - but better?