But strangely, I find myself not caring. Well, caring - but not *too* much. I haven't even really composed many options for sarcastic ebay feedback in my head. Instead, what's this unfamiliar emotion I'm feeling? My lips - they keep twitching upwards. And my brain - it doesn't feel all foggy. And my uncoordinated feet keep on tip-tip-tapping out an involuntary dance under my desk. Could it be? Gosh golly, I think it is - I feel certifiably happy.
To borrow a phrase from Courtney - I too have been in a bit of a funk recently. Lots of bitterness and self-doubt. Lots of fears about falling short, and somekind of inescapable inadequacy. While I'm being honest here, lots of anger about some bits of our situation and depression about others. In short, lots of bad stuff going on in my head (which might be why, as I draft this in gmail, google's smart ads are offering me the options of hypnosis or an MRI. I should have written this weeks ago). All the while, I keep realising how far short I fall of what I should be like - I should be seeking out contentment in any and every circumstance, rather than seeking changed circumstances to make me content.
But, in God's grace, our circumstances are changing- for which I am very thankful! The trial I thought would never pass is nearly over, and we have our final meeting with our social worker on Saturday (tomorrow!!) It feels exactly like coming to the end of a set of gruelling exams - euphoria, but tinged with worry about what the outcome might be. I need to pray for a lot of patience in the month and a half remaining before we have our final assessment panel. In addition to the end of the SW visits, not so long ago, I posted this:
That is such great news! I have been wondering what was going on there. I am thrilled with your news!!
ReplyDeleteYay for good news! The "contentment with my current situation rather than deferring my contentment until my situation meets enough of my "contentment criteria"" lesson is one I've been learning the hard way lately too.
ReplyDeleteThis is your life... you don't get another go at it (which feels pretty unfortunate some days!) so today is the day to live out your faith in your current situation. That's what I'm trying to remember anyway :)
Oh wow, yes, that *is* good news.
ReplyDeleteI am catching up on reading blogs! I am so thankful for refreshing news from a far off land! I am also praying you will know how much the Lord is carrying you. I think of you so often and pray for you...so glad we can seek God together and that we can carry one another in prayer as we journey this long, winding and unpredictable road. You are an encouragement to me and I am hoping for more encouragement for you! Thank you for the formula gift for the babies...and for your prayers with us. Leaning on Him!
ReplyDeleteYay! this is great news! I am so happy for you. And congratulations on finishing a big step!
ReplyDeleteWonderful news, Caroline, about the home in Addis - very happy to read that news!
ReplyDeleteCindy
That's wonderful! So how does the rest of you process look? As soon as you're "paper ready" to you hop on a plane and go to the foster home?
ReplyDeletesigned: "a curious girl in the States" :)
If I wasn't so darn tired I would write more... but know that you are in my thoughts. Really and truly and really and truly.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, lovely blogosphere! Thanks so much for being happy for us :) It means so much to me.
ReplyDeleteEmily, I'm hoping to write a bit soon about the rest of our process. Hopefully we will be flying not long after we are paper-ready, but (like so many other things) the UK process for being paper-ready is still really complicated even after we get approved. WE'll hvae to wait for our equivalent of an I-171-H (is that code right??) which can take anywhere from 6 weeks to 6 months after approval and notarising. And some of the process still feels really vague to me - I'd better start getting it straightened!