tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post8328492272954506021..comments2023-10-19T13:55:22.556+01:00Comments on my fascinating life: DucklingsClaudiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09352341442556433375noreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-15245631450608458822010-09-20T06:09:55.418+01:002010-09-20T06:09:55.418+01:00Hi there -
I just happened upon your blog and rea...Hi there - <br />I just happened upon your blog and read this post, and was wowed by it. You are a gifted and insightful writer, Claudia, and I can't wait to read more.<br />Awesome post!<br /><br />BLessings,<br /><br />Ruth<br />www.ruths-rambles.blogspot.comHi from Ruth!https://www.blogger.com/profile/04696686601621200587noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-76906666069595747472010-09-11T18:31:01.736+01:002010-09-11T18:31:01.736+01:00I think I'm going to start telling my boys &qu...I think I'm going to start telling my boys "you are MY ducklings" if it's ok with you that I borrow that. We're 3 1/2 years into being a family, and at 6 years of age, yes, they know I'm Mama and they love me. But from the attachment perspective, I think that THEY worry like you were saying YOU do that maybe THEY are more attached than I am! (They're not). That maybe, like others before me, I could leave them.<br /><br />So keep telling your kids how attached YOU are... it's the most reassuring thing they can hear, I think. And it makes them safe to bond to you. <br /><br />Loved this post!Kimhttp://www.americanmamacita.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-50683716649429355352010-09-10T22:06:14.204+01:002010-09-10T22:06:14.204+01:00[clapping and beaming and clapping and hooting a b...[clapping and beaming and clapping and hooting a bit and smiling]filolihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07629999858697015109noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-67747864562116888432010-09-10T16:46:09.749+01:002010-09-10T16:46:09.749+01:00I heart this post and I heart you.
Well said. Ve...I heart this post and I heart you. <br /><br />Well said. Very well said.More Dorrshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06365599846288104152noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-67422194569691285062010-09-10T13:04:46.333+01:002010-09-10T13:04:46.333+01:00Your posts are always so thought provoking...this ...Your posts are always so thought provoking...this one no exception. I feel like I need to bookmark so many of them for future reference...or else get you on speed dial so one day (hopefully) when I have what I predict will be a multitude of freakouts and breakdowns, I can call you! I know I've said it before but I truly, truly mean it--your babies have hit the mother lotto with you!lastchanceivfhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14139576318784337837noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-84315892764931678642010-09-10T03:49:44.314+01:002010-09-10T03:49:44.314+01:00oh man girl!! you hit it so loud and clearly and ...oh man girl!! you hit it so loud and clearly and beautiful and totally gave me goose bumps!!! (can I say and again? lol) this is one to re-post every now and then, just so everyone can be reminded!the Melodious Mamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11499433787988289609noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-22715942918369973062010-09-09T19:43:02.512+01:002010-09-09T19:43:02.512+01:00Bravo. Spot on. Thank you for this post. And th...Bravo. Spot on. Thank you for this post. And thank you for writing "this particular spiral of crazy". It's my new favorite saying.Ms. Fricknfrackhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09839257155956805493noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-80995069691288667362010-09-09T14:12:43.902+01:002010-09-09T14:12:43.902+01:00Thanks for asking - links are no prob at all! (By ...Thanks for asking - links are no prob at all! (By the way, K, I'm wondering if our reciproacal blog policy means that i can claim my children can walk? Can I use your blog as evidence? :) )<br /><br />Evelyn, I relate!! I had a lot of trouble coming to terms with not having a 'due date' for our adoption. When I told a friend, she said 'yeah, I know JUST what that's like, one of my babies came two weeks early'. **crickets**<br /><br />And Haley, I think that's a man you need to keep on speed dial :)Claudiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09352341442556433375noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-28716747087912734842010-09-09T04:10:02.828+01:002010-09-09T04:10:02.828+01:00Ok, this sentence said it all for me:
"A sec...Ok, this sentence said it all for me:<br /><br />"A securely attached child sees the world as an essentially safe place and starting life without that makes everything --everything-- harder."<br /><br />Amen to that sister.<br /><br />My daughter spent 15 months in an institutional setting. Then one day, without warning, she was handed over to scary looking white people who didn't speak her language. Her world was rocked more than once in such a short period of time. No wonder she has a problem with trust.<br /><br />Five years out we are still working on the trust and attachment thing.<br /><br />We're a work in progress. ;-)Casa Bicicletahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06853253312120595615noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-3508419146967764802010-09-09T00:27:37.563+01:002010-09-09T00:27:37.563+01:00You have such a way of putting things I feel into ...You have such a way of putting things I feel into words. Yes, there are things non APs will just never understand. I told a close friend how much I grieved about the loss my boys have experienced and the 8 months they spent in an orphanage. She said she felt the same way about having had premature babies. Huh? I know she grieves that, but it is not the same thing! <br /><br />Anyhoo, thanks for reminding me that I've been meaning to look at my adoption books again, to refresh and try to make sure my little family is on the right road. <br /><br />Hugs to you and your ducklings. Beautiful image.Evelynhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01800995892415893734noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-25506431231642043922010-09-08T23:10:08.592+01:002010-09-08T23:10:08.592+01:00Thanks for writing this Claudia.
It makes me thi...Thanks for writing this Claudia. <br /><br />It makes me think of some advice I got from a parent of 9, 5 of whom were adopted as older children. He told me to stop worrying about attachment. WHAT?! I thought that was so weird and was ready to totally write him off until he followed it up with this: Instead of worrying about whether your child is attached, focus on providing unconditional love and a secure, consistent environment. That is YOUR part, actually attaching is your CHILD's part and you can't control how or when it happens. All you can do is set up the environment to foster and encourage it. Just one dude's opinion, but it sounded smart to me so I thought I'd share. :)Haleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16425646410486288854noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-1529093722887034822010-09-08T19:02:56.772+01:002010-09-08T19:02:56.772+01:00Oh, this is beautiful, Claudia. I wonder how much...Oh, this is beautiful, Claudia. I wonder how much this will obsess me when baby girl goes home. I imagine it will ravage my already feeble brain.Christinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18024229630052292112noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-87110113130128889302010-09-08T18:44:49.620+01:002010-09-08T18:44:49.620+01:00"You can't know anybody else's story...."You can't know anybody else's story. You can only know your own." The problem is we often don't really know our own story. Some people think they do, but they are usually wrong. (They tend to be people who say things like "I am not judgmental" and "I hate drama").<br />Wouldn't it be great if you knew your story was "fantastic mother has two perfectly attached children"? But it may be unrealistic to think you will ever KNOW that. I do know at least part of your story, "Mother trying very hard has children who show all signs of great attachment". That may be the most we can hope for.<br />Kerry<br />PS I bet imprinted baby ducks still peck at strangers' earrings.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-32977371154104646762010-09-08T08:16:28.490+01:002010-09-08T08:16:28.490+01:00Very interesting and heartfelt post.No-on else can...Very interesting and heartfelt post.No-on else can know the grappling you have to do as an adopter, especially with transnational adoptees.<br />Some of the questions you raise are so complex and individual to your situation and really apart from some basic givens, you have to make it up as you go along don't you? Babies are babies, adoption is adoption and you just do the best you can.You have the advantage of not neglecting the potential issues.You can't predict the future and the numbers don't matter.Love and care matter.<br />Just a point..I raise geese and have handraised geese, becoming their mother substitute in their first day.These cross-species events are fascinating.While these geese bonded with me, allowed me to care for them, they never forgot they were geese.Make of that what you will.Vonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17421069895155350144noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-34332288789565880032010-09-08T06:01:18.733+01:002010-09-08T06:01:18.733+01:00Wow, really, that was so well said....goosebumps a...Wow, really, that was so well said....goosebumps and all ;)Calmil2https://www.blogger.com/profile/04068152719411366584noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-88549080400960048682010-09-08T05:27:52.846+01:002010-09-08T05:27:52.846+01:00I'd like to take advantage of our reciprocal b...I'd like to take advantage of our reciprocal blog policy and post this entry on my blog with the title "what she said." Is that ok?Kat & Stacyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06771223055953137126noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-5220702770589067182010-09-08T05:02:55.500+01:002010-09-08T05:02:55.500+01:00thank you for sharing these thoughts.thank you for sharing these thoughts.Sarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10513940748178185617noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-63519967168522351332010-09-08T04:43:24.275+01:002010-09-08T04:43:24.275+01:00What a great post. "if you haven't adopt...What a great post. "if you haven't adopted a child, do not tell me to lighten up because you do not know about this particular spiral of crazy," sign me up for a t-shirt with this printed on it please.Juliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13790711152511868938noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-6351603443972848852010-09-08T00:03:47.671+01:002010-09-08T00:03:47.671+01:00I've enjoyed many of your posts but this one r...I've enjoyed many of your posts but this one really hits me. You are so on point with others' advice, their children and our (APs) world of attachment. <br />I may link to this (with your permission) in an upcoming post on my blog.<br />Thank you again for the honesty.Tam and Kai - NYChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06242084200309834343noreply@blogger.com