tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post6875794672929203687..comments2023-10-19T13:55:22.556+01:00Comments on my fascinating life: Tis The Season To Be (Not) JollyClaudiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09352341442556433375noreply@blogger.comBlogger49125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-13644292794299561232011-12-29T17:22:52.853+00:002011-12-29T17:22:52.853+00:00Hey now... don't be hating on the Biebs!
I&#...Hey now... don't be hating on the Biebs!<br /><br />I've been off the blogs for over a week, and missed this -- so I already know which steps you've taken. Well done, you!<br /><br />And, you know, the Christian aspect of it -- well, our God isn't a tyrant or a harsh, disapproving parent. Our bodies (and yes, our brains) are broken and imperfect. It's a blessing that those little pills exist to help mend the broken parts and hush the bad-brain voice. No condemnation needed here.<br /><br />How very brave of you to post this, Claudia. Big hugs coming to you from Canada!Gwenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07891216932932620489noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-75954305597210401152011-12-27T10:29:34.782+00:002011-12-27T10:29:34.782+00:00what lovely readers you have - I always say this b...what lovely readers you have - I always say this but it's so true.<br /><br />And the Christian thing just messes it all up, doesn't it?<br /><br />*sigh*Marcia (123 blog)https://www.blogger.com/profile/15581613927187600748noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-26765527562882121002011-12-24T01:33:56.322+00:002011-12-24T01:33:56.322+00:00I fought going on antidepressants for a few months...I fought going on antidepressants for a few months. The stigma,the dependency, the chemicals, adoption, all of that...but eventually the length of the greyness was just too, too long. An amazing therapist and the right antidepressant, brought the blue skies back....may yours come back soon too!Suehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09167285276763745176noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-63306203597370872102011-12-24T01:28:23.607+00:002011-12-24T01:28:23.607+00:00Hi Claudia- sorry for commenting so late- I haven&...Hi Claudia- sorry for commenting so late- I haven't had internet for a few days! My sister did text me to say I needed to read your blog. I know exactly what you mean- I've been there too. I know now that I was depressed (this was about twenty years ago, when there wasn't as much awareness of depression and more of a stigma) and what made it worse was I was so fed up with myself for feeling blue and lethargic all the time. Although it was so long ago, I will never forget it.<br />Looking back, I really, really wish I'd got some help, like therapy or medication, or both, because I think I would have enjoyed my twenties much more, had more fun and not married my awful ex-husband.<br />Lots of love to you, and I'm thinking a lot about you.<br />Amy xAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-22873142857069800932011-12-23T23:36:02.323+00:002011-12-23T23:36:02.323+00:00Hugs and Prayers!!!
No advice. JUST LOVE!
Thank...Hugs and Prayers!!! <br />No advice. JUST LOVE! <br /><br />Thanks for your honesty here! Lots will be helped my your words!!!Hollihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17769334647328805623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-77185776534642255372011-12-23T23:28:06.379+00:002011-12-23T23:28:06.379+00:00Wanted to add my own huge hugs to the commenter lo...Wanted to add my own huge hugs to the commenter love-pile. I have struggled on/off with depression for so much of my life. Yet when I see someone else (whom I admire a lot) experiencing it, I am so jolted by it and wish so badly I could make it all better.<br /><br />Antidepressants can be very helpful sometimes, but I have also had some yucky experiences with them as well -- probably because I didn't give them enough of a chance, or was not on the right one/dose, etc. So I would say, overall, that finding a good talk-therapist (not a doctor) first can be an enormously helpful starting point. Especially considering meds can take weeks to start working anyway. Also realize that there are so many personalities/'flavors' of therapists out there -- so if you don't like one, don't settle. Try to find one you feel good about.<br /><br />I am glad you brought up the worries about the mental health/what-will-the-adoption-people-think thing. That was a huge concern for us, actually, when we first investigated adoption. It devastated me that places like Korea, for example, would not approve us (or at least this was my impression) because I had been in therapy after dealing with recurrent miscarriage, etc. What the hell!?<br /><br />These things do not make it easier to get the help you need. But damn, is it important stuff, taking care of yourself. And please do keep writing about it, if it helps. It helps ME to know I am not alone in feeling this way sometimes too!peesticksandstoneshttp://peesticksandstones.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-36747214622841678822011-12-23T16:10:10.305+00:002011-12-23T16:10:10.305+00:00Been there, am there, don't like it one bit. D...Been there, am there, don't like it one bit. Depression is miserable and I see myself in your post. I am on medication and it does help. <br />I hope that you find the help that you need.<br />One of my missions in life is to help stop the stigma of mental illnesses. It's ridiculous that we have to worry what other people will think, that they will think we are "crazy". Mental illnesses are chemical issues of the brain, no different than any other disease. I hope someday in my lifetime people will gain knowledge of mental illness and stop being so judgmental. <br />Your post is helping educate people! Ok, I am getting off my soap box now. :)Sandihttp://www.sandithompsonphoto.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-704189994748766472011-12-23T08:00:38.483+00:002011-12-23T08:00:38.483+00:00I am not sure as I have ever commented, I read a l...I am not sure as I have ever commented, I read a lot of blogs but don't necessarily think I should comment.<br /><br />I didn't read your other commentors but, I know what the big, black, vacuum feels like. It happened to me. It happened shortly after I gave birth to my first child. I hate having depression. I hate taking medication. I hate feeling betrayed by my own body/self. I hate thinking that if someone finds out that I will be labeled. I finally got some help when I just couldn't do anything but cry sitting on the floor telling my kids, it's ok, mommy's ok. <br /><br />I somehow am making it through, I know you can too ( because if I am anyone can).Sharonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16661984888469908558noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-38357823705033990212011-12-22T20:16:19.984+00:002011-12-22T20:16:19.984+00:00ther-a-py! (say it with me!) ther-a-py!
Only part...ther-a-py! (say it with me!) ther-a-py!<br /><br />Only partially joking. I think that step would be a perfect one. It's not full balls to the walls (which is clearly making you nervous) but it's something. I think if you find a good therapist he or she will help you tremendously in figuring out if medication and if yes medication then which one better than your average doctor would.<br /><br />I'm with whoever said (I'm paraphrasing here) try to ssshh Claudia 2013 right now so you can make Claudia 2011 healthy again.<br /><br />Also, I had a friend who was on antidepressents and even though the Ethiopian government didn't want people to be on them, her doctor just "forgot" to mention it in his report. Perhaps you could find a therapist who would be willing to do that for you just this one time in the future if you choose to bring more kids into the bunch.<br /><br />Oh, and clearly all of us love you so if you need some of us to take a crazy long flight to drive you somewhere just give us the heads up. ;)<br /><br />Love to you.hotflawedmamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04457871832437767637noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-51459498902200185802011-12-22T20:04:03.638+00:002011-12-22T20:04:03.638+00:00I've been there - I go there off and on. I was...I've been there - I go there off and on. I was relieved that I didn't dive head-first into a full-blown post-adoption depression (because I was prepared for it)...but was a bit low the first few months. While I totally share your concern about any diagnoses, medications, etc. impacting future adoptions, I do think that there can be lots of adoption opportunities even in the face of various medical and psychological situations (but of course, some international programs where that might be an issue). <br /><br />I come from a line of "dysthymic" and anxious women...and I ride the cusp at times. After a few months, I bounce back to my "typical" self. I think of myself as a realist, neither pessimistic nor foolishly optimistic (and like to point out that research - sorry, haven't taken time to look up a link for proper citation - suggests that mildly depressed folk have a more realistic outlook than others. So there). I am not easily enthused about much, sort of low-key emotionally (well, perhaps a little emotionally reactive at times), but find lots of beauty in life and don't feel like I need to be visibly cheery all the time. When I hit a bleak/overwhelmed spot, I ride it out for a while, and have (so far) always experienced an up-swing after a while...but always trying to remain aware that there would be a point at which letting things drag on and on without help would be unhealthy and unnecessary.<br /><br />Anyway, only you can know for sure what is within the range of normal and manageable emotional/psychological variance for you, and whether you have any sense that self-talk/spiritual disciplines/perspective-taking are enough on their own, or if it is time to look at getting some outside support. Wishing you much insight, peace, and wisdom on your journey.Joy and Geoffhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04321081962361864525noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-4470884305334730372011-12-22T19:37:02.075+00:002011-12-22T19:37:02.075+00:00oops ... that was from me ... not anonymous-strang...oops ... that was from me ... not anonymous-stranger person.Maple Walnut Mamahttp://maplewalnutmama.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-5447096309068497062011-12-22T19:34:59.591+00:002011-12-22T19:34:59.591+00:00So sorry to hear that your world is so tough &...So sorry to hear that your world is so tough & grey at the moment. Sending compassion & strength to take the steps that are right for you. May I gently suggest getting out of your house & away for your gorgeous kidlets for a few hours - stat! You will know what you need to do when you have a free moment to yourself to take a deep breath, think a few quiet thoughts and hear what your heart is telling you to do.Jenniferhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02975409698668201064noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-41171714066759657002011-12-22T16:42:41.411+00:002011-12-22T16:42:41.411+00:00I was going to try to send you a PM about this, un...I was going to try to send you a PM about this, until I saw all the public support you're receiving and thought, "Hey self, she hit 'publish' on her post. Sure you can leave a public comment." So I will say here that I have been very depressed too. It's a hard thing to admit. I could lie and tell you that it's because my husband lost his job this fall and we have some serious financial concerns heading our way in the near future. But it's not just that one thing. I know it. My husband knows it. I'm sure you know what I mean as well. All these little things that add up to an oppressive "whole." Then you add in the fears that owning up to the depression and seeking help might be a disadvantage for any possible future adoptions that we might like to do. UGH! <br /><br />I also have plans to talk to a professional in early 2012. Let me know if you want to talk.Sherrylhttp://www.chezsanderosa.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-52506633279678187352011-12-22T15:59:09.112+00:002011-12-22T15:59:09.112+00:00I just deleted this comment because I was a victim...I just deleted this comment because I was a victim of autocorrect but what I MEANT to say was<br />We have both seen clinical psychologists in the past and our social worker said they WANT you to get help if you need it.DrSpousehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07259337858075146058noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-59636469267844224332011-12-22T15:25:42.700+00:002011-12-22T15:25:42.700+00:00Oh, I just don't know how to say thank you to ...Oh, I just don't know how to say thank you to all of you for these incredible, wise, supportive comments. They mean more than I can say - so much more. <br /><br />And Liz, you are ON. (SPOILER ALERT - I already have an update. So you had better get your skates on!)Claudiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09352341442556433375noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-61897436007930667422011-12-22T10:50:11.595+00:002011-12-22T10:50:11.595+00:00{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}
I don´t have anything smart to sa...{{{{{{HUGS}}}}} <br />I don´t have anything smart to say...Just wishing you all the best and colourful world really soon!Rachelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02263413990459476622noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-36713874827583190992011-12-22T07:32:16.851+00:002011-12-22T07:32:16.851+00:00You mean the world isn't grey?You mean the world isn't grey?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-35497946581218527882011-12-22T06:45:14.598+00:002011-12-22T06:45:14.598+00:00I'm hovering around a 4 myself, too. It's...I'm hovering around a 4 myself, too. It's no fun. No fun at all.Kristen Howertonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11055131545156196477noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-2483045531543621472011-12-22T04:13:28.072+00:002011-12-22T04:13:28.072+00:00Claudia--there is no shame in taking medication fo...Claudia--there is no shame in taking medication for depression. Imagine for a minute if the world didn't look grey--doesn't that sound like a lovely thought? And perhaps medication, and maybe talking with someone as well, would help bring color back into your world. Who wouldn't want that? You deserve the colors, Claudia--all of them, beautiful and bright. Hugs to you dear friend. Email or call if you ever want to talk more...MyTwoLineshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11488860357456329714noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-20837533288250799592011-12-22T04:13:10.431+00:002011-12-22T04:13:10.431+00:00you are so brave to post about your grey world. t...you are so brave to post about your grey world. that is a genuine compliment, and bad day Claudia can just take it, okay? <br /><br />Know that we're praying for you. Specifically that somehow you find a teeny tiny twinkle light in your heart for Christmas. I'm sounding like a Hallmark commercial or some lame Nicholas Sparks book now. But if it were Nicholas Sparks, someone would die or get cancer. I'd prefer neither. So we'll just leave it at twinkle lights. <br /><br />I know there are so many dimensions to depression---ESPECIALLY when you're a Christian. There is the self-guilt (the joy of the Lord must not be my strength!), the fear of what others will think, the self-loathing, the fear that God is far away from you. <br /><br />We will be praying for you in any and all circumstances, whether asthma or aenemia, whether living in plenty or in want... there's my take on the apostle Paul.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-9149290815321764612011-12-22T03:13:26.023+00:002011-12-22T03:13:26.023+00:00loving you from across the ocean. praying you see...loving you from across the ocean. praying you see the glimmer of hope and the power of not being alone. no advice here. just gratitude for your realness and vulnerability.Khttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13468881865772390593noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-72840595027336973512011-12-22T00:20:06.654+00:002011-12-22T00:20:06.654+00:00Claudia, I haven't even taken the time to read...Claudia, I haven't even taken the time to read other posts, so I apologize if I give any repetitive advice or statements. <br />I think anti-depressants get a bad rap..as if by taking them you are admitting to yourself (and anybody brash enough to dig into your personal life) that you are "crazy". People live in their heads. So the thought of taking "brain altering" drugs might somehow scare people into believing that they might be changing who they are....but isn't that exactly what you are hoping to do? Wouldn't you like to live your life with a little less of bad brain?<br />Now, before I go and start to sound like some kind of drug pusher here, let me state for the record that I'm not suggesting that you take them, but only to stay open to the possibility that they could help. Weather or not it makes sense for you would be a discussion you should have with your therapist. Yes, I said the T-word...and I can tell you, without hesitation, that the times in my life I've felt exactly the way you do now, meeting with a professional was always the best thing I could have done for myself. (And I am now a proud adoptive father of two...so...) Anti-depressants are not a solution to depression in themselves, but should only be used as a tool to turn down the "bad" brain for a while so the good one has time to heal and grow stronger through therapy. Anti-depressants should ONLY be used in combination with therapy and there should always be an exit strategy. Does therapy sound daunting? Of course it does..on every level that bad brain can think of...right? From one who has felt every word of your post at different times in his life: If you aren't already seeking professional help, do so. Bad brain will fight you every step of the way..she'll bring up schedules, time, money, other people's perceptions...yes, she'll even threaten you with scary adoption "what-ifs"...but she's full of shit. You should stop listening to her.Brenthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15142098889860939992noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-54311587235608645082011-12-22T00:12:29.082+00:002011-12-22T00:12:29.082+00:00If your stomach was feeling off-kilter you'd t...If your stomach was feeling off-kilter you'd take a pill for THAT, and you don't feel ashamed for that. I know, there's a stigma, but who the hell needs to know about it? And...<br />I know why you're worried about a future adoption first, I get that because we're waiting for court right now and if I was in a car accident and knew it might require additional documentation, I'd probably go home and put a bandaid on my dangling head before I'd set foot in a hospital! So here's what I would do.<br />1. Get your self to a medical doctor TOMORROW. You could have a chemical issue, and they're the first ones that will give you a pill without 50 sessions of talking it out first. Preferably a doctor that has a reputation for dispensing. In the US, these are walk in, urgent care type clinics. 2. Pay cash, and don't involve your healthcare coverage. <br />3. Google the guidelines on whatever country you might want to adopt from next time. The Eastern European country that we're adopting from is highly sensitive to psychological treatment. In fact one of tge strictest. However, they're concerned most with current treatment. Which you probably won't be if youre talking about a couple of years from now.<br /><br />Seriously girl, tomorrow!Sherryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02056784188726684561noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-87342114512218964702011-12-21T22:36:08.828+00:002011-12-21T22:36:08.828+00:00I'm really sorry you've found yourself in ...I'm really sorry you've found yourself in this head space. It really sucks and no one deserves to feel that way. I get that your reasons for avoiding meds, but can I suggest if you're going to do that that you also set yourself some kind of timeline or cutoff and if you don't feel things have improved you commit to doing something about it. I hope you can get through it without needing them, but if it is what you need to do to get yourself in a better place then please do it. <br /><br />The scary thing for me is - what would things getting worse look like? I think too often when things do get worse (from where you are now) it can be hard to see that slow creep until all of a sudden things are really really bad and you don't really have choices any more.SassyCupcakeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06093736219562358428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-78473521133001973512011-12-21T22:16:10.850+00:002011-12-21T22:16:10.850+00:00I'm not in your exact same boat, but I do unde...I'm not in your exact same boat, but I do understand. My problem was more of a feeling of being constantly overwhelmed and overly agitated with my kids (if I'm being honest, though, I was actually only agitated with one of my kids). I kept telling myself not to get on an anti-depressant because of the adoption thing--many countries immediately deny you. But then I realized that I will never want to adopt much less will I ever be a great mother to the kids I DO have if I don't get some help. I had to try 3 anti-depressants to find one that didn't give me bad side effects (I am incredibly sensitive to medications). I am on the lowest dose possible--not even a dose for depression, but more for anxiety. I am feeling better. More in control. Less edgy with the kid. Still exactly like myself. I think I could stand to increase my dose but haven't felt like going through the rigamarole with the doctor.<br />If a future adoption is what is keeping you from seeking help, you may want to discuss it with your doctor. I think our doctor would be happy to omit the fact from our medical records for an adoptions sake. He thinks the rules are ridiculous! But honestly, even medicated, I am thinking that 2 kids are about all I can handle.<br />I hope you decide to get some help--be it therapy, medication, or some natural remedies. I know you have no intention to harm your children or yourself, but I also know that it is hard to be the best mother you can be when you are feeling that way.<br />Hugs.everythingismeowsomehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06671155513531459483noreply@blogger.com