tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post3309479108988154095..comments2023-10-19T13:55:22.556+01:00Comments on my fascinating life: My Children Are Not Educational ToysClaudiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09352341442556433375noreply@blogger.comBlogger20125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-36522939278743443272010-09-09T18:01:15.356+01:002010-09-09T18:01:15.356+01:00This is a great post, Claudia. I'd love to rep...This is a great post, Claudia. I'd love to repost it at Irene's Daughters sometime!nikkihttp://smallsong.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-83190556328332087832010-06-21T03:28:33.473+01:002010-06-21T03:28:33.473+01:00Oh and it's so so so annoying to have to hear ...Oh and it's so so so annoying to have to hear the same question over and over and over again... and then have to answer it over and over and over again. It only compounds it's idiocy in my brain. UGH!!Sha Zam-https://www.blogger.com/profile/11705917883828933628noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-59285129677910129602010-06-17T22:16:17.599+01:002010-06-17T22:16:17.599+01:00I empathize with your feelings and agree with much...I empathize with your feelings and agree with much of your post. I also feel that I want to encourage more questions. White people have so much fear about race, which usually results in silence, which results in more segregation, which results in more misunderstandings and racism in general. So, my approach has been to help people feel comfortable with talking about race, no matter how the conversation begins (as long as I think they mean well). It may start with the banal question about sunscreen or hair, but perhaps if that goes well, they may feel better about talking about bigger stuff. No, our children should never feel that they're a "bridge" or educational tool, but I'm also cautious not to end the conversation. I don't know, perhaps that is a contradiction that I'll have to rectify. All I know is this: No conversation = no learning. There is so much learning we all have to do!Karinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08751541248949107487noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-68097501024241060902010-06-15T04:51:41.653+01:002010-06-15T04:51:41.653+01:00A few months ago, a college friend of mine wrote m...A few months ago, a college friend of mine wrote me on fb to tell me how wonderful she thinks Abe is, how much she wishes her son and my son could play and how much she'd love her child to have "an Abe" in his life. She lives in a community that is 50/50 white/black. She isn't friends with any of the non-white members of her community and considers my son "safe" because of his membership in the White Club. I was pretty offended never wrote her back. This post explains exactly why I was upset. My son is not her bridge. She should find her own.Lorihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15553145979283388517noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-28569486691548255972010-06-14T00:41:27.178+01:002010-06-14T00:41:27.178+01:00Loved! This! Post!Loved! This! Post!a Tonggu Mommahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01365812914466181060noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-11237647559875774302010-06-11T20:50:34.745+01:002010-06-11T20:50:34.745+01:00First let me ask - what sunblock you use while on ...First let me ask - what sunblock you use while on your high horse??? (obviously joking)<br />Then let me say - I am so, so, so naive. And I am fearful my children will pay the price. Because I do believe many questions are innocent. And I do believe that sometimes people become friends because of their kids or their dogs and there isn't some underlying negative motivation.<br />I want to be aware... I want to be helpful... I want to talk about what is important. But I don't want to be suspicious and assuming.<br />Having moved to a whole new state (where we know no-one) the same week I brought home my son means I will never have the absolute knowledge of who my new friends were before I was "the mother with the adopted black child."<br />One thing is for sure, Claudia, you are keeping the conversation stirred up, and the value of that is beyond measure. Now I have to go read your post again.<br />Thank you,<br />KerryKerryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13670020044450608740noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-92196663467183585092010-06-11T05:19:22.474+01:002010-06-11T05:19:22.474+01:00This is such a great post. I was shocked at how ma...This is such a great post. I was shocked at how many people in my neighborhood, who have ignored me for years, now want to hang out so the kidlets can be their bridge, and so they can hang out with black people without having to hang out with black people. Thanks for writing this.Juliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13790711152511868938noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-74276350885850227632010-06-11T00:44:58.562+01:002010-06-11T00:44:58.562+01:00I think you do a good job. And if it helps, I thin...I think you do a good job. And if it helps, I think in some cases the questions just depend on if the person you're asking is a friend. (at least for me. Are these people asking you strangers? Then I totally get it.) But my Nigerian friend and I ask each other questions like that all the time. She once asked me how I managed my "witch's hair." Absolutely no offense intended. It makes me laugh to this day.Barbhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16067045642285877560noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-48518597790648362572010-06-10T22:30:23.220+01:002010-06-10T22:30:23.220+01:00There is so much I want to say but I have literall...There is so much I want to say but I have literally one minute. So. Now I can say very little. But know this- this is an outstanding post and I'm so glad you wrote it.Gretchenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07425898963082396240noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-33112058391300667272010-06-10T20:50:00.799+01:002010-06-10T20:50:00.799+01:00you are my hero. can i send my whole family to rea...you are my hero. can i send my whole family to read this without hinting that they tick me off sometimes? i think i will have to. because I am on my son's side now.<br /><br />also, i heartily agree with Corinne<br />s comment. <br /><br />also, my word verification is "and skin"<br /><br />also, i am in addis right now reading your post. so cool. i should be asleep though.scooping it uphttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08801475653537826888noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-44949086399705382942010-06-10T16:25:05.596+01:002010-06-10T16:25:05.596+01:00I love your justified anger/frustration with these...I love your justified anger/frustration with these questions that seem invasive and weird - even though it is hard to explain exactly why. Though you did an excellent job! Being on your children's side, even if you end up coming off rude, does seem like the best thing to do, even if you don't have it all sorted out yet. <br /><br />I am tired, too, of having people want their kids to be friends with ours so they can feel off the hook for not going out and befriending whole families of color. I don't want my kids to be their token brown friends. <br /><br />Thanks for the thoughtful post!Evelynhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01800995892415893734noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-12043034320012002542010-06-10T16:19:26.876+01:002010-06-10T16:19:26.876+01:00I've tried to think of an appropriate comment ...I've tried to think of an appropriate comment a few times, but my words seem to fail today. Thus, all I'm going to say is "Bravo!" and "Thank You!"Heatherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09496203933580303223noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-12060858726215678842010-06-10T15:56:25.314+01:002010-06-10T15:56:25.314+01:00fantastic. thanks so much for sharing your though...fantastic. thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on this. you seemed to hit every nail squarely on its head and eloquently said what is just a mashed up jangle of fear and tongue-tied thoughts in my own head. i have so much to learn and i hate that i'm learning with my own kid having to hear my "explanations" to people's queries. I found your line about how you didn't worry about race until it affected you very convincing and very accurate as honestly this has been my experience too. again, thanks so much. corinne, mayasmercato.com & farfromharmfarm.wordpress.comCorinnehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07659175600282186403noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-13214993678287419792010-06-10T12:57:26.514+01:002010-06-10T12:57:26.514+01:00Thanks for saying that you are painfully aware of ...Thanks for saying that you are painfully aware of how little you know. It makes me feel better. I feel utterly speechless (and dumb) at times about these issues. I keep telling myself that having the motivating factor of an actual newly adopted child in my house will change my frame of reference. Right now my thoughts seem obscure and I feel way too white. Thanks so much writing this, you've no idea how much it helps me read these thoughts. You're Australian? Had no idea.Christinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18024229630052292112noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-46364570566710471272010-06-10T11:43:54.064+01:002010-06-10T11:43:54.064+01:00This is one of the best posts I've read on rac...This is one of the best posts I've read on race in a very long time. Thank you.The Lost Planetistahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16459092754901997729noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-20032064533623515452010-06-10T08:46:14.877+01:002010-06-10T08:46:14.877+01:00Gosh, what a fabulous post.
And even though you s...Gosh, what a fabulous post.<br /><br />And even though you said at some point that you don't feel very articulate, you so are!<br /><br />(also, didn't know you're Australian)<br /><br />I'm afraid I'm one of those bolshie sorts who sees every interaction as an opportunity to EDUCATE but you're right, not when it comes to my children.<br /><br />I really think you're doing such a fantastic, balanced job with this - well done!Marcia (123 blog)https://www.blogger.com/profile/15581613927187600748noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-27646239734014492542010-06-10T05:26:55.543+01:002010-06-10T05:26:55.543+01:00this is so... it's just... i can't even s...this is so... it's just... i can't even say how...<br /><br />well (obviously) I'm practically speechless. <br /><br />you said it all so very well. I really have nothing to say but AMEN to all of that.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-50060523843024418232010-06-10T04:40:09.923+01:002010-06-10T04:40:09.923+01:00Yes Yes Yes! I love it when you blog your thought...Yes Yes Yes! I love it when you blog your thoughts.Eastiopianshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13080708384309438314noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-8892070970926459302010-06-10T04:16:46.699+01:002010-06-10T04:16:46.699+01:00Wow, that was an amazing post. You really hit the ...Wow, that was an amazing post. You really hit the nail on the head naming the weighty issues behind those "innocent" questions from friends and strangers. Good for you for being fiercely on your children's side.Casa Bicicletahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06853253312120595615noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-49524728462852308102010-06-10T01:49:44.766+01:002010-06-10T01:49:44.766+01:00Oh Claudia.
There is so much--SO MUCH--in this pos...Oh Claudia.<br />There is so much--SO MUCH--in this post. I can't even begin...you probably don't want to hear this but I read every word you write and discuss with my husband and you are helping us immensely...blazing a trail (and I know you don't WANT to be an educational toy yourself for other adoptive parents!). But there you go. <br /><br />The first rule about white club is you don't talk about white club--no truer words have been spoken/written/blogged. And the weight of those words is tremendous.<br /><br />Your last sentence is precious and a treasure--yes, your babies will always know you are on their side. You're one fierce momma!lastchanceivfhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14139576318784337837noreply@blogger.com