tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post2414309990251464332..comments2023-10-19T13:55:22.556+01:00Comments on my fascinating life: In Which I Ask You All A QuestionClaudiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09352341442556433375noreply@blogger.comBlogger36125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-73637183794129855252011-03-21T22:57:29.866+00:002011-03-21T22:57:29.866+00:00So much incredible, generous advice here. THANKYOU...So much incredible, generous advice here. THANKYOU! <br /><br />I'm amazed by how many people said things that I had sort of been thinking but hadn't been able to put into words. Thank you. (Did I already say that?)<br /><br />I realised that I never really said why I decided to blog about this - I was talking about this stuff to a friend, and how confusing it all was. She shrugged her shoulders and said 'you should really ask for advice about this' and I said 'WHO WOULD I ASK??!!?? Nobody would understand what I'm on about!' because I was thinking about people I could go out to coffee with, ie, people I actually know. And she said 'hmmmm, good point' and then later it hit me that there is a GREAT pool of people who understand all this stuff.... just happens that they live on the internet. So anyway, thank you SO MUCH for letting me take you all out for virtual coffee... I didn't even have to pick up the tab. Score! <br /><br />So much here to ponder. Will get to it. (The pondering, that is!)Claudiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09352341442556433375noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-90548393580269030822011-03-20T17:18:28.613+00:002011-03-20T17:18:28.613+00:00Oh gosh. Hard question. Great comments (though I c...Oh gosh. Hard question. Great comments (though I couldn't read ALL 35 OF THEM! HOLY COW!!!!)<br /><br />Has anyone brought up the angle of adopting rather than being pregnant in terms of world overpopulation? It's something to consider. Not saying I think it will answer your question, but it might be an interesting angle to think about. That's the reason we've chosen to create our family through adoption. Not saying that it's the right approach for everyone, or that I necessarily think it even makes sense (ha ha!) <br /><br />It also sounds maybe hokey pokey, but I know you're a person of faith, and your answer might come through prayer. I can't help but think these kinds of decisions are so profound and huge that we sometimes need a little help here and there from God/the universe/whatever you think of it as. :)The Lost Planetistahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16459092754901997729noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-14004691288500179912011-03-19T19:47:44.345+00:002011-03-19T19:47:44.345+00:00I have come back to this post about a dozen times,...I have come back to this post about a dozen times, intending to comment, but I can never quite figure out how to say what I want without going down seventeen rabbit trails and writing a book. I think that this is a highly personal decision, what with all of us having different hopes and dreams and personalities, but it is also good to be somewhat pragmatic about it. My hunch is that the cons for IVF would outweigh the pros UNLESS you really really really want to be pregnant. I'll confess that I've never been in a position to have IVF be *the* option for pursuing pregnancy, so I don't know how that feels, which probably skews my opinion a bit. <br /><br />What I do know is that I (or we, as I don't make these decisions singlehandedly, since I respect my husband's desires also) had planned to pursue both pregnancy and adoption, but then I got pregnant, suffered an early miscarriage (7 or 8 weeks), and suddenly realized that I didn't care about becoming pregnant (previously having been in the "I'd like to experience pregnancy at least once" camp), whereas I very much cared about adoption. I find that this feeling is intensified now that we have our own little Ethiopian. Even though it's likely to take longer the next go 'round, we intend to adopt again, hopefully from Ethiopia, because A) I know I don't really care to become pregnant, and B) I would like all my children to have a shared background (meaning both being adopted and having similar cultural heritage), and okay, fine, also C) I also kind of want to stick it to those people who insist that I secretly desire to become pregnant. So we'll adopt again. That's where we're at. And the real deciding factor, honestly, is that I have no desire to become pregnant. If I truly felt that urge, we'd try for pregnancy as well as adopting again.<br /><br />I'm not sure that this is that helpful for you in the end, but maybe something will resonate? I have so enjoyed reading all these comments and everyone's opinions. I hope that you come to the decision that is right for you and for your family. I'm sure that, whatever you decide, it will all turn out just fine in the end.Maryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09098391747911095350noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-39261592020821309042011-03-19T04:11:02.736+00:002011-03-19T04:11:02.736+00:00Wow, you have things really fired up in here! I ha...Wow, you have things really fired up in here! I had only one thought as I was reading. If you are not feeling a particular urge to go with one specific route, maybe it is that you do not want more children right now. <br /><br />You DID say you would not throw things at a commenter.The Accidental Mommyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00409271721074309249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-69299936711935946462011-03-18T03:06:24.642+00:002011-03-18T03:06:24.642+00:00Re: I've had one person tell me, with a straig...Re: I've had one person tell me, with a straight face, that this is definitely going to happen to me, because that is what always happens. <br /><br />My sister said that to me and I ACTUALLY said to her...<br /><br />Wow, even though I'm on the Pill? That really WOULD be a miracle!<br /><br />Awesome :)Rebeccahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15253783284975097995noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-42055987094525008952011-03-18T01:59:41.692+00:002011-03-18T01:59:41.692+00:00P.S. We agreed to never do IVF because clomid and ...P.S. We agreed to never do IVF because clomid and injectibles for IUI were so very very hard on me emotionally and physically (my hormones are so unstable) that we knew it would be horrible. I was willing to do ALMOST anything to have a child.Barbhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16067045642285877560noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-49343621086091770602011-03-18T01:57:35.895+00:002011-03-18T01:57:35.895+00:00Very interesting discussion! Love reading the resp...Very interesting discussion! Love reading the responses. We are still in the land of "who knows?" with adopting a second child. I gave birth to our first about 15 mos ago. We know (for so many reasons... not the least of which is the trouble I had near the end of pg and with post partum issues) that we most likely will never try biologically again. I'm so so happy to have experienced it, but I'm done. I have always been interested in adoption (I don't know how much my wonky cycles made me interested from the time I started), and Hub never has. He's terrified of it... mostly because we'd do foster adopt (and your system is so WEIRD with the pg thing!)But I would like to build our family a little larger with adoption. We've put off the discussion until E is a bit older.<br /><br />I can tell you an experience of mine though. My stepsister was adopted by my mother. My stepfather never adopted me, but he raised me more than my Dad. (we had different issues.. I'm ok with the non-adoption of me). My sister sees my mother totally as her mother. I see my stepfather as a kind of father. We BOTH see each other as complete and total sisters. We don't even really ever think about the fact that we aren't blood related except when we look in the mirror and giggle at how very very different we look from one another. SO fun to tell people we're sisters and let it at that. ;-) And somehow it works seamlessly that way. It's easy for us, and we're lucky. And we have a 7.5 year age gap. It's cool with us. I think each family dynamic is so different that no matter what you choose, you'll forge the path that works for you.Barbhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16067045642285877560noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-7341317169908848972011-03-17T16:30:47.968+00:002011-03-17T16:30:47.968+00:00I don't really have an opinion myself, but I w...I don't really have an opinion myself, but I would say that I'm glad you are thinking of all possibilities. A friend who did the IF thing, was in the process of adopting and got preggo, was kind of offended and sad about the difference in reactions between their adoption announcement and a pregnancy announcement. I think if anyone can handle it, though, you and your family can! It's a big decision and I hope you will feel supported in whichever direction you choose.Cory and Mollyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11630337123915433469noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-72463332236882214332011-03-17T03:17:26.853+00:002011-03-17T03:17:26.853+00:00we always said we'd have 3 kids, I was itching...we always said we'd have 3 kids, I was itching to start the process again within a month of the twins being home and then they started walking and that put the end to that. Two is plenty for us :-)<br /><br />BUT...if we had decided to go for 3, I have NO idea what we would have done. I suppose we could get pregnant (never tried) so I know we would have all of these discussions too. It's a hard one. But maybe, like us, it won't be once Pink and Blue start walking :-) Just kidding...xoKat & Stacyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06771223055953137126noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-70920317513282812432011-03-17T00:49:12.821+00:002011-03-17T00:49:12.821+00:00After going back and reading everyone's commen...After going back and reading everyone's comments, I have to add about the adopted vs. bio. Two of my kids are brown and one isn't so it's very obvious that they are adopted. They were all born within a 12 month period. We are honest (developmentally appropriate) with them. They know the names of their birth mothers and when we are discussing friends or relatives that are pregnant, they will often proudly say that they came out of A or S's belly. My daughter has asked at times why she didn't grow in me and I answer her with a variation of God knew that S would be the best person to care for her when she was growing in a belly. They know that their birth mom's weren't able to car for them and wanted to find a family that could give them what they needed. For now they are happy with it and no different than any other child.Kimhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08164289513143006410noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-69039580927811922602011-03-17T00:32:25.680+00:002011-03-17T00:32:25.680+00:00We had a bio child post adoption, actually I got p...We had a bio child post adoption, actually I got pregnant during the adoptions and no it was not planned so I can't give opinions on what I think you should do. <br />I will say that we only planned on two and ended up with three which going from no children to 3 in 4 months was a huge adjustment, but I'm thankful for all of it. Three is much harder than two, being outnumbered, not having enough hands, etc. <br />We had decided to adopt early in our relationship so we never did IVF, but I am glad that I got to experience adoption and pregnancy. Pregnancy wasn't a good thing for me though as I didn't have a good pregnancy, but we did get to add another incredible child to the family. We will never have another bio child as the whole pregnancy problem and delivery problem thing terrifies my husband. <br />We have very briefly brought up possibly adopting again in a few years. We'll see about that though.Kimhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08164289513143006410noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-8274071377755370282011-03-16T19:12:18.567+00:002011-03-16T19:12:18.567+00:00First and foremost, you will decide what is right ...First and foremost, you will decide what is right for you and once you do it will make complete sense. I know that about you. <br /><br />I guess I would think about what doing ART would do to my family life now. I know when I did it, it was a lot of scrambling to get to my appointments so that was tough with a little one. I didn't mind the shots and hormones, the side effects, that much. I know that when I had IVF and transfer failures, they were devestatingly hard on my heart. I did give up on trying to get PG, I just remembered this today. I was on a support board and I remember that I asked a question of all the women there who all had IF issues. I said, "If you had the money to keep trying IVF would you use it all before you decided to adopt?" I asked this because my treatment was covered through insurance and we had a lot of insurance money to spare and could have still done a few more IVF's. Every single person said they would spend every dime trying to get pg. I found it very odd. That just didn't feel right for me and I decided to stop ever trying to get PG again. I do think people have a very odd celebratory response to those who get engaged to be married and those who get pregnant, as long as it is within acceptable social norms, of course. <br /><br />I will say that what is going on in Ethiopia right now, though, would probably make me think of trying to get pg (if I were in your shoes). You are trying to build a family. Sadly, I fear I may never bring a child home from Ethiopia at all (at least on some days). Maybe you could choose a different country, though. And I agree with Rebekah, as far as what people will say to you about getting PG, screw them.Christinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18024229630052292112noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-41884328103247425192011-03-16T16:40:58.194+00:002011-03-16T16:40:58.194+00:00We haven't had to face many of the issues befo...We haven't had to face many of the issues before you now because we are an "adoption-only" family.<br /><br />I would suggest that you consider the IVF process as an important part of your decision. Both my sister-in-law and my cousin struggled physically and emotionally while undergoing IVF and trying (unsuccessfully, in my cousin's case) to sustain the resulting pregnancies. The result was some missed parenting time for their already-born children. Fortunately, there were grandparents, aunts, and uncles around to pick up some of the childcare needs, but the effects on the children persisted for some time afterwards. In the case of my cousin's son, who was adopted from Ukraine, the family lost some ground in areas of attachment.Terrihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14549897150008810308noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-4785670061612468162011-03-16T14:14:14.655+00:002011-03-16T14:14:14.655+00:00This is a great post. I have so many thoughts abou...This is a great post. I have so many thoughts about this as it relates to me because I'm selfish like that and knowledgeable about IVF. <br /><br />We want another child and I'm extremely conflicted about whether it will be biological or adopted. <br /><br />I want Boohoo to have a sibling who looks like her, but at this point the risks of adoption just flatten me and leave me in a terrified muddled heap on the floor. <br /><br />On the other hand if I have another biological baby I worry that I come off as a quitter, like I don't think adoption is "worth it" or that it reflects badly on my daughter.<br /><br />No wisdom here, but I totally understand your struggle._https://www.blogger.com/profile/16045401564948651914noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-41529054192927794902011-03-16T14:05:25.210+00:002011-03-16T14:05:25.210+00:00Your attachment post challenge is what brought me ...Your attachment post challenge is what brought me to your blog - and now you have this fascinating conversation as well. What a stimulating place to be! Love it. I have no advice for you. I can relate to your screwed up DNA (I have a balanced translocation) and the thoughts about whether IVF is something you would try or not. We chose to pursue adoption instead of IVF with PGD, but now, with all that's going on in Ethiopia, I'll admit that I'm thinking just a bit about trying for a biological child again. I never thought I would be here, but here I am. I do know that our plan has always been to adopt two children of the same race, so that would be a factor for us. Even if we did have a bio child, I think we would want to adopt again, too. But really, who knows? Good luck to you as you think through all of the options!Kellyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13533605951512372935noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-72523209512323306312011-03-16T04:57:09.242+00:002011-03-16T04:57:09.242+00:00Ok then! You have saved me an entire blog post sin...Ok then! You have saved me an entire blog post since I was just about to put the very same question - with IDENTICAL considerations and thoughts - out into the blogosphere.<br />We have kids the same age. I think you guys are probaly the same age as J and I. We have similar issues requiring IVF - with ICSE I assume?<br /><br />What to do, what to do?<br /><br />I will tell you this.<br />Here in the States IVF is just as expensive as adoption. I think on average $24,000. Of course the cost rises with each unsuccessful round as you have to pay again for certain parts of the procedure. No part of it is covered by insurance, at least not our insurance.<br /><br />I am very very very torn on this issue as well. Ethiopian adoption, at least from my point of view at this point, is looking really difficult. And if we adopted again I can't quite fathom adopting from anywhere other than Ethiopia. (Don't hold me to that please...)<br /><br />But IVF is so expensive and so physically draining. I know people who have done it and if I didn't have Ariam I'd take it on. But with a toddler, the idea of the shots and the cramps and the emotional swings and the weight gain and the hormones. UGH. I can hardly find time to take a shower. When would I inject my ass with hormones and find time to sleep off the accompanying crankiness?<br /><br />What to do what to do? I no longer feel the desperate tug to be pregnant and experience delivering a baby. <br /><br />But what are we left with exactly? Why do the options seem so limited?<br /><br />Tell me what you decide. in fact, why don't you two decide what we should do and we'll ALL do it? That's what I need, someone else making these decisions in life. I no longer have the energy for it.<br />AMe. Us. She.https://www.blogger.com/profile/00222015524829943773noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-10871211228873374692011-03-16T03:38:04.996+00:002011-03-16T03:38:04.996+00:00Claudia, I applaud your vulnerability to even put ...Claudia, I applaud your vulnerability to even put this question out there. I say... listen to your gut and follow it. If it leads to IVF whether successful or unsuccessful matters not. If it is what is in your heart, do it. Just try. As to how your two adorable babies will react... God only knows. <br /><br />Our family: 2 bio sons, 1 adopted daughter. As I was awaiting the impending birth of second son I COMPLETELY freaked out and thought we were ruining first son's life by adding this child. Did the SAME thing when adopting our daughter. Bottom line- each family turns out the way it turns out and everybody adjusts. <br /><br />As to bio vs. adopted- people probably will say stupid crap to you. People are stupid. 'Nuff said.<br /><br />But also... there is a difference. I adore my daughter, but as I mentioned in my attachment post, it's not exactly the same. Not everyone feels that way. I've talked to some adoptive parents who say their adopted child felt EXACTLY the same as their bio ones. So... your experience will be your experience. <br /><br />And it will be full of wonder- no matter which direction you go.Gaylahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12958267663405508736noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-87669887260210110592011-03-16T02:55:20.373+00:002011-03-16T02:55:20.373+00:00I thought Von's suggestion that children convi...I thought Von's suggestion that children convieved via IVF are going to be screwed up, and so are you is a little bizarre. <br /><br />To some, they are not horrible procedures as he said. To some of us, they are miracles of science.<br /><br />And frankly, I get my dander up when men suggest to women they eternally end their ability to procreate out of nowhere. It's not right. Line crossed. <br /><br />-TheresaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-39551933581429863872011-03-16T02:54:49.128+00:002011-03-16T02:54:49.128+00:00I will put aside my brief moment of OMG I'm fa...I will put aside my brief moment of OMG I'm famous, Claudia linked to me :) and say this: One of the reasons I grieved stopping the process for #2 is because I really wanted Sport to have a sibling... and a sibling who looked like him. I wanted him to have at least one person in his family who he could introduce as family without eyebrows being raised and questions being asked. Now, that said, I also wanted more kids myself - I don't think people should add to their family *just* for the sake of giving their child a sibling. And your twins do have each other. <br /><br />Personally, I don't think I would get pregnant now. And it's partly my age, partly lack of desire to be pregnant, partly not wanting to deal with people who would draw the kind of comparisons you mentioned. If I add to our family, it will be through adoption, possibly foster-to-adopt or maybe a waiting child internationally. (There are no waiting kids domestically in our province, which sounds great, but really it's because they are all stuck in foster care for years.)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-5350570454096049192011-03-16T02:19:51.343+00:002011-03-16T02:19:51.343+00:00I just have to add that rebekah had a comment offe...I just have to add that rebekah had a comment offering that spacing the kids far apart might mitigate the feelings of hurt over some being born to you biologically and some being adopted. Unfortunately, for us anyway, that hasn't worked out. <br /><br />My adopted DD is 10 years younger than DS#2 (bio) and 16 years younger than DS#1 (bio) and it bothers her no end that they came from my belly and she didn't. She joined the family at 15 months of age and she was acutely aware of the difference then and she still is now. <br /><br />Some kids just feel different no matter what you say, no matter what you do. It's their burden to carry. You can offer to help with the load, but in the end, usually, all you can do is walk with them.Casa Bicicletahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06853253312120595615noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-17482885536077502402011-03-16T01:41:50.142+00:002011-03-16T01:41:50.142+00:00" it's not possible to love an adopted ch..." it's not possible to love an adopted child as much a a birth child, so you can't have a bio kid after an adopted kid because you'll reject the adopted kid once you find out what REAL love feels like" seeing that from an adoptee's point of view I'd say it's about the inevitable differences which I can't go into here but you can read lots about if you search.Most adopters say they do love all their children adoptees and biological if they have a mixed family.There is a difference and it is felt by adoptees and is often very visible if you look at photos of mixed families, without them realising.<br />Since you asked for opinions I'd say give your adoptees the very best parenting you can, love them, help them grieve their loss and raise them as best you can to deal with racism and everything they will meet along their adoption journey.That will be a full time job if you do it right.<br />Forget all those horrible procedures, many of them with bad effects for you which will detract from good parenting.Many of those procedures arrive with later identity issues for the product.We don't fully know or understand how those procedures affect women or babies yet, it is too early to say despite what the medics want you to believe.I don't know your age but I'd be making some decisions about fertility or at any rate start giving it serious thought..the snip or tied tubes?<br />In the end it's your life and you know your strengths..good luck!Vonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17421069895155350144noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-57976581017369541502011-03-16T00:08:19.915+00:002011-03-16T00:08:19.915+00:00Seriously, I don't think you could ask a more ...Seriously, I don't think you could ask a more personal question of your particular readership... way to go, Claudia.<br />Almost all of my thoughts are just about my personal experience - 43, tired and about to have TWO, TWO-YEAR-OLDS (but only for five weeks). <br />I wish Little Dude would have a sibling of color (which is why we almost waited for twins). However, I don't think I want more children. So we will have one of each; one girl, one boy, one bio, one adopted, one pink, one brown, and eventually one white, one black (color versus race). Hopefully there is some balance in this symmetry. <br />I have fantasized about so many scenarios, including when these two are way older, adopting an older sibling set (some shade of brown).<br />I do think you would get the weird bio joy from strangers and friends. I am not sensitive and very few things bug me in that way, but that would enrage me.<br />I do remember reading about a study (or at least a fair amount of anecdotal evidence) that having bio and adopted children does present some specific challenges. I can not remember the source, though.<br />For us a big push for adoption had to do with our belief that there are children that need homes. Which I still absolutely believe. Another major reason, our belief that as Paul Simon says, "the planet groans, every time it registers another birth."<br />But we have a bio kid, so I certainly have no high-ground in that argument. I do believe it would be incredibly difficult for me to pick a country, program, agency to trust at this point.... ugh..... That would be WAY MORE WORK THAN LABOUR (I added the U just for you.) Although I do not know if it would be more work than IVF. Either way, I sense another book in the works.<br />Another way you could decide, if you are a tortoise forget about bio - laying eggs and kicking sand over them is no way to start a relationship. If you are a sloth, give it a go. It is probably a slow-labour that you practically sleep through in a sloth-like trance.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-80958286371151300892011-03-15T23:37:12.278+00:002011-03-15T23:37:12.278+00:00Rebekah- SO curious why you think a wider gap wou...Rebekah- SO curious why you think a wider gap would mitigate the issue between a bio and adopted sibling... I worry about this all.the.time. Elia will likely be 5 or close to 5 when/if her sibling ever comes home (hypothetical sibling at this point). I'm guessing there will be a 3 year age difference between them. I've always been frightened that our adopted babe will feel "less than" b/c we have a bio babe. I don't know how this will unfold. Since I had a horrific pregnancy/birth I almost hope that will HELP our adopted babe- you know- if I say how awful I felt, how depressed I was, how we almost died- that's not "all that lucky" *really,* but then I get concerned that this would hurt my bio babe and so the spirally thoughts continue. They race. I worry. I don't see an end to this. I just won't know until we know who our next child is and what kind of personality she has.... I have a secret #3 in my head and I would probably attempt a biracial/hispanic/AA domestic babe....but my husband would FREAK if he even knew the thought was in my head. So, I'm just letting it sit there for awhile... Looking forward to seeing what direction you'll go! :)Bridgethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03324207209798382936noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-5805982454629417192011-03-15T22:29:39.736+00:002011-03-15T22:29:39.736+00:00Btw, Cindy's daughter is voicing what I expect...Btw, Cindy's daughter is voicing what I expect most, if not all, adopted kids with bio siblings feel at some point or another or forever. There are so many angles to this feeling, but part of me thinks that a wide gap between kids would help mitigate this horrible feeling somewhat.rebekahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04814599978295161064noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075858460867483977.post-61824620380372224902011-03-15T22:28:06.974+00:002011-03-15T22:28:06.974+00:00Oh boy. I don't even know how to condense all...Oh boy. I don't even know how to condense all the craziness in my head to answer this question. Our oldest was born from me, with a generally uneventful pregnancy. We didn't decide to adopt until it came time to think about #2 and I really didn't care to be pregnant again. Then. So we adopted one, then another. And here we are with 3. There are so many infinite combinations of family dynamics that I honestly can't offer any concrete advice. <br /><br />However, I do think that our kids being so close together in age is in fact a problem in a lot of ways. So much so that if we even consider a #4, we want a nice break between them and our youngest is already 3. So that would be a pretty big break. <br /><br />My eggs are 43 years old and so if there is a #4, I get myself into an unanswerable circle. I really don't know about adopting again, and my eggs are old. So where does that leave us? Stuck. But exhaustingly stuck with 3 kids who are 6,4 and 3. <br /><br />I do say though, to not give a flying f what anyone else says or how anyone else reacts UNLESS it happens in front of your little ones. Then GO TO TOWN ON THEM. People do say the dumbest shit and it only matters if it affects how your kids feel about themselves.rebekahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04814599978295161064noreply@blogger.com